<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>in all chaos there is calculation by literallynoonecares</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24724504">in all chaos there is calculation</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/literallynoonecares/pseuds/literallynoonecares'>literallynoonecares</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Aurors, Ben is a Ravenclaw, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, HEA, Rey is a slytherin, Smut, at first ben dates someone else in the prologue but it's not serious, but mostly takes place post Hogwarts, canon typical discussion of violence &amp; torture by snoke, previous kylo/baz mentioned, reylo is endgame</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:53:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,739</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24724504</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/literallynoonecares/pseuds/literallynoonecares</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey Solana was the muggleborn Slytherin who always had a rivalry with the Ravenclaw Ilvermorny transfer Ben Solo. After they left Hogwarts, they become Aurors and are assigned an undercover mission to take down the dark wizard Snoke and the First Order -- leading their rivalry to become something more and realizing the aurors aren’t something they want to be a part of.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>95</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. prologue: that's why we're making headlines</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi friends! I’ve been writing this for a month or so and finished today. I hope y’all enjoy. See notes at the bottom to support black lives matter and black trans orgs. </p><p>I do have a non-explicit version of this written with no smut. I had IRL friends who have never read fanfic before &amp; they wanted to read this. I was like the first smut you read cannot be mine you know me too well haha. If you’d like me to upload the non explicit version, let me know.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Why did you transfer here, anyway? There were so many rumors.”</p><p>“Long story. Not that exciting. Just really needed a change of pace. And my mother thought it would be best for my uncle to teach me,” he said, still looking down. </p><p>“Your uncle?”</p><p>“Professor Skywalker.”</p><p>“He’s your uncle?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he looked up finally. Ben tried to gauge Rey’s reaction.</p><p>“He doesn’t seem to like you all that much,” Rey almost laughed. </p><p> </p><p>An exploration of Rey &amp; Ben's final year of Hogwarts.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey hopped on the Hogwarts Express with less than five minutes to spare. Punctuality was never her strong suit. She made her way through the compartments until she found the rest of the 7th year Slytherins and slid the door open. </p><p>“Merlin, Solana. We didn’t think you were going to make it. And you’re a <em>prefect</em> this year,” Jessika Pava sighed. </p><p>“I know, I know. But I’m here now,” she waved them away. </p><p>“And you should be in the prefects compartment for the start of year meeting,” Kaydel pointed out. </p><p>“Shit,” Rey’s eyes grew wide and she dropped her bag off and ran down the compartments. </p><p>She reached the prefects compartment, out of breath and visibly sweating. </p><p>“Ah, Rey Solana. So glad of you to finally join us,” Ben Solo smirked. Ben’s American accent always threw Rey off -- he had transferred from Ilvermorny in America last year for some unknown reason. His mother used to be president of MACUSA but took a position in the Ministry of Magic and brought him along. </p><p>Since the day they met they’d been in competition with each other. He’d been sorted into Ravenclaw, and you could tell the only thing he cared about was succeeding in school. After being partnered for dueling in Defense Against the Dark Arts and them nearly <em>killing</em> each other for the sake of the win, they came out with an intense rivalry. </p><p>Rey wanted nothing more than to beat him at everything. But here she was, late to the prefects meeting and panting, while he smirked at her and wore the Head Boy badge. Fuck. </p><p>“Sorry. Didn’t think they’d give Head Boy to someone who barely even attended Hogwarts, Solo. Do you really think you deserve that?” Rey shot back at him, matching his smirk. </p><p>“I can take points away from Slytherin for that, Solana. Watch out,” Ben’s eyebrows furrowed and his eyes dug deep. </p><p>“Sorry, next time I’ll complain about nepotism in private,” she slunk inside and sat down next to Korkie, her prefect companion for the year.</p><p>Korkie smiled at her and gently punched her arm.</p><p>“You are so fucked,” he whispered. </p><p>Ben cleared his throat and looked pointedly at the Slytherins. </p><p>“As I was saying before Rey interrupted us, Sabine and I have assigned patrol duty for the semester. We’ve broken up houses and you won’t be assigned to the same person twice. We tried to make it fair,” Ben motioned for the Gryffindor to start speaking.</p><p>“Right, and this year we do have the honor of hosting a Yule Ball, because it’s a special Hogwarts anniversary. Don’t ask me to tell you the year, I’m not a Ravenclaw.” Sabine paused for laughter and to let the whispers start to fade. </p><p>“It’s a very exciting time, and if you want to be on the planning committee please talk to myself or Ben by the end of next week. The ball will be held the Saturday before Christmas break,” Sabine continued. </p><p>“Right. We look forward to having a successful year with you and thank you for your time. Rey, if you could stay back and I’ll give you the paperwork you missed,” Ben looked toward Rey and Rey gave a curt nod. </p><p>“See you in the compartment,” Korkie said. </p><p>“See you,” Rey replied. </p><p>Sabine waved goodbye to them and exited with the rest of the Gryffindors. </p><p>When it was just Ben and Rey left, neither spoke for a moment. </p><p>“Sorry...” Rey started. </p><p>“It’s fine. Well, it’s not. But I expected you to pull something,” Ben shrugged. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I knew you weren’t going to be happy when you found out I was Head Boy, so I figured you’d try to do something to usurp me.”</p><p>“I didn’t know you were Head Boy until I walked in here and saw your badge.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>“I had figured Jessika would have said something. Sorry. Anyway, here’s your schedule and here’s the stuff you missed,” he handed her the paperwork. </p><p>“Why would Jessika have said something?” </p><p>“I’m dating her,” he stated. </p><p>“You’re dating Jessika? Jessika Pava?” Rey said incredulously.</p><p>“Yeah, since the summer. Our parents live near each other.”</p><p>“Oh. I didn’t know,” Rey said. </p><p>“Yeah, so sorry to say you’ll be seeing a lot of me this year,” Ben shrugged, with a slight mischievous grin on his face. </p><p>“Perfect. Just what I wanted for my last year of school,” Rey grimaced and walked out. </p><p>When Rey reached the compartment she took a deep breath before entering. </p><p>“I cannot <em>believe</em> you didn’t tell me you were dating my nemesis,” Rey pouted. </p><p>“Because I knew you’d react this way. He’s a good guy, Rey. Just because you have a weird rivalry with him doesn’t mean he’s awful,” Jessika defended. </p><p>“He’s quite handsome, too, don’t you think?” Kaydel offered. </p><p>“Ugh. I can’t believe this is how our 7th year is starting. What a nightmare,” Rey slumped down into the chair. </p><p>“Don’t be so dramatic, Rey,” Jessika admonished. </p><p>“We’re almost at Hogwarts. We better put on our robes,” Korkie noticed, breaking the tension in the compartment. </p><p>Rey dressed wordlessly and sulked through most of the Headmaster’s opening remarks. The feast revived her, and she almost forgot about one of her closest friend’s betrayals. </p><p><br/>
⚡️⚡️⚡️</p><p><br/>
The semester passed on with not much fanfare -- Rey and Ben were partnered in Defense Against the Dark Arts again, even though Professor Skywalker warned Rey to be careful of Ben.</p><p>“There’s more to Ben than meets the eye,” he cautioned. </p><p>Rey didn’t know what he meant. All Rey knew was that Ben made her a better student because she couldn’t stand to lose to him. She was too ambitious for her own good, and wanted him to fail. She was never kind to him, even when he tried to offer olive branches -- which Rey just figured was Jessika’s doing. </p><p>When Rey and Ben were partnered for a Transfiguration project, Rey suspected Mon Mothma might still have a grudge against her from the time Rey accidentally transfigured her teacher’s nose in 5th year. </p><p>They sat across each other in the library and neither spoke for a while, both just reading their textbooks. </p><p>“Jessika told me you’re planning on applying for the Auror program after school,” Ben blurted out. </p><p>“Yes, I am. Why do you care?” Rey retorted. </p><p>“I am as well. I think. My mom wants me to. She thinks it’d be good for me to have structure and not wander aimlessly,” Ben shrugged. </p><p>“Can’t she just get you in anyway? She was the president of MACUSA, right? Why don’t you go work in America?” Rey asked. </p><p>Ben shifted uncomfortably in his seat. </p><p>“She is. But I still have to get in on my own accord,” he looked down and flicked through his textbook. </p><p>“Why did you transfer here, anyway? There were so many rumors.”</p><p>“Long story. Not that exciting. Just really needed a change of pace. And my mother thought it would be best for my uncle to teach me,” he said, still looking down. </p><p>“Your uncle?”</p><p>“Professor Skywalker.”</p><p>“He’s your uncle?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he looked up finally. Ben tried to gauge Rey’s reaction.</p><p>“He doesn’t seem to like you all that much,” Rey almost laughed. </p><p>“No, he doesn’t. I’m not a Gryffindor like him. I don’t...we are completely opposite, really. We’ve never got along. It’s a long story...” he trailed off. </p><p>“You’re more interesting than I gave you credit for, Solo,” Rey smirked. </p><p>“Glad my family drama is interesting to someone,” he laughed. </p><p>“Okay, let’s talk about this project for Mon Mothma. I know she put us together because she hates me and this is just retaliation, but thank God you’re smart,” Rey admonished herself in her mind for this ridiculous non-sequitur but she really did need to finish this project. </p><p>“Are you a half-blood or a muggleborn?” Ben asked. </p><p>“Muggleborn, why?” Rey raised an eyebrow. </p><p>“You said thank God. Pure bloods don’t say that,” he replied. </p><p>“Oh. I guess you’re right. I never noticed that,” she said. </p><p>“You don’t see a lot of muggleborn Slytherins,” he observed. </p><p>“I’m one of kind, what can I say?” She tapped her quill on the textbook. </p><p>“Right, the project. Honestly, did something similar at Ilvermorny last year. I think I still have it. I’ll try to find it tonight. Why does Mon Mothma hate you?”</p><p>Rey blanched for a moment at his ability to remember small details from her statements. </p><p>“Oh. In 5th year I accidentally transfigured her nose so it was enormous. People laughed for days. It was awful,” Rey slid down a little in her chair. </p><p>Ben laughed. </p><p>“Oh, that’s hilarious. What I wouldn’t give to see her face,” Ben said. </p><p>“Trust me, it was bad.”</p><p>“I can imagine. Anyway, I’ll try to find it. And if I don’t have it, we can work on it tomorrow.”</p><p>“Deal,” Rey said and started packing up her things. </p><p>“See you tomorrow, Rey.”</p><p>“Bye, Ben.”</p><p>When Rey reached the Slytherin common room, Jessika was reading at one of the chairs by the fire. </p><p>“Did you murder my boyfriend?” Jessika asked Rey. </p><p>“Surprisingly, no. He even made me laugh. He’s all right, I guess,” Rey replied. </p><p>“I’ll take ‘all right’ over the melt down you had on the Hogwarts Express at the beginning of the year any day,” Jessika teased. </p><p>“I did not have a melt down,” Rey insisted. </p><p>Jessika shot her a pointed look. </p><p>“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. But he’s not as bad as I thought, okay?”</p><p>“Good, because I want the Yule Ball next term to be the best ever and I think he might be useless planning it so you and Sabine are going to have to do all the work,” Jessika said. </p><p>“Oh, I’m aware,” Rey laughed. </p><p>Jessika stifled a yawn. </p><p>“I’m going to bed, Rey. Good night,” Jessika got up from her chair and went up to the dormitories. </p><p>“Good night. I’ll be up in a little,” Rey said and sat down where Jessika had sat, opening her textbook to finish her homework. </p><p> </p><p>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p><p><br/>
The Yule Ball did not go as anyone planned. The prefects were up practically the entire night before with the teachers getting the decorations just right. In any given dormitory you’d find girls having a meltdown about their dresses and boys lamenting their dress robe woes before the dance. </p><p>And then of course, there was the event itself. Everyone spent the next few days discussing it -- how could anyone have avoided it? Jessika Pava and Ben Solo screaming at each other and breaking up on the dance floor during the Weird Sisters set. </p><p>After they both ran out, Jessika holding back tears, the entire student body seemed content to whisper and gossip rather than dance. </p><p>Jessika spent the next few days in the dormitory refusing to come out. </p><p>“I can’t go to class. I just can’t. We’re in almost every class together. This is a nightmare. Rey was right. He’s an asshole,” Jessika cried. </p><p>“C’mon, Jess. Our N.E.W.T exams are in a few months. You <em>have</em> to go to class. Fuck him. Who cares,” Kaydel responded. </p><p>“You can sit far away from him and don’t have to speak to him. I doubt he’ll want to speak with you either. It’ll be okay, Jess,” Rey said. </p><p>Jessika groaned. </p><p>“Tomorrow. I can’t go looking like this. That’ll mean he won the break up.”</p><p>Kaydel shot Rey a look and rolled her eyes slightly. </p><p>“Fine,” Kaydel conceded. </p><p>Rey had patrol duty with Ben that evening and after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Rey finally got the courage to ask. </p><p>“Okay, what the hell happened with you and Jessika? She won’t tell us. She’s just been moping. I guess I shouldn’t tell you that...but I just want to know. Sorry, if you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to...” Rey rambled. </p><p>“It’s fine. It’s a long story. It just kind of came to a head at the ball because she asked what we were going to do after graduation and I told her I was applying for the Auror program. She meant with our relationship. She wanted to know when I was going to give her a ring. And fuck, Rey. She just assumed all these things. And then she started getting mad about some stuff I had told her about my family and my past and I couldn’t handle it anymore. It was neither of our finest hours,” he ran his hands through his hair and sighed. </p><p>Rey snickered slightly and said, “no. It wasn’t.”</p><p>“Anyway, I’m surprised she hasn’t told you everything. That seemed inevitable. I thought you were going to murder me during patrol tonight,” Ben replied. </p><p>“Well, she did say I was right about you being an asshole but that was it,” Rey said. </p><p>“You think I’m an asshole?” Ben’s face fell slightly and he seemed genuinely hurt, but tried to recover quickly. </p><p>“Well, before I really got to know you...yes. Last year we fought so much and at the beginning of the year on the Hogwarts Express you were a prick,” she replied. </p><p>“You were late!”</p><p>“Still, you were an asshole. And please, don’t act like you didn’t think I was too,” she scolded. </p><p>“I didn’t think you were an asshole. A little pretentious and too big for your britches, sure. But I didn’t think you were an asshole,” he shook his head. </p><p>“Oh,” Rey didn’t know what else to say. </p><p>They walked in silence for a few moments before Ben cut the tension. </p><p>“Anyway, I don’t wish ill for Jessika or anything. I just...didn’t see it going anywhere long-term and felt bad she thought it was. I didn’t want to lead her on any further,” Ben said. </p><p>“You dated for almost a year and you didn’t see it going long-term?”</p><p>“When you put it like that, I do sound like an asshole,” Ben realized. </p><p>“Ravenclaws really are only book smart with no common sense, aren’t they?”</p><p>“Hey!” He jokingly pushed her arm. </p><p>“Am I wrong?”</p><p>“Well, no. I guess not. I haven’t had the best judgement in my life. I’ve racked up too many mistakes already,” Ben admitted. </p><p>“17 and you have too many mistakes? Better stick to some book smart job, Solo. Don’t know if the Auror life is for you,” she pushed his arm back. </p><p>“I’m 19, actually.”</p><p>“That’s even worse! Why are you so old?” Rey laughed. </p><p>“I know. Long story, but it’s because I transferred here. Had to repeat a year, basically,” he ran his hands through his hair again. </p><p>“I’m actually turning 18 soon. Right after exams. May 10th,” she said.</p><p>“Well, at least it’s after and not before,” he offered. </p><p>“Yeah. It’s just weird, though. I don’t know if I’ll have friends around to celebrate. I don’t know if I’ll be in the Auror program. I don’t know where I’ll be living or anything,” she realized. </p><p>“Graduating is scary,” he said. </p><p>“I just feel a little jealous of all my friends, that’s all. Everyone has families they can go to and they’ll help them if they fail, right? But I don’t. I’m all alone,” Rey looked down and played with her hands. </p><p>“You don’t have a family?” Ben asked. </p><p>Rey paused. </p><p>“Sorry, that was...” Ben began.</p><p>“No, it’s okay. No, I don’t. I was at at orphanage and with foster families before Hogwarts. It’s not something I talk about a lot.”</p><p>“I’m sorry. Fuck. I get it, though. I know everyone thinks I had it good because my mom was president of MACUSA but it wasn’t great. I was shipped off to live with Professor Skywalker when I was young, before he taught here. And obviously you see how well we get along...and my dad is dead, now. And my mom hasn’t talked to me since I left America because of everything that happened. So I sympathize, Rey. Family isn’t easy,” Ben said softly.</p><p>“What happened at Ilvermorny?” Rey prodded. </p><p>Ben looked at his watch. </p><p>“Oh, it’s past the time we have to be out. We should get back to our dorms,” he obfuscated around her question. </p><p>“You’re avoiding my question.”</p><p>“I’ll tell you another time, Rey. Good night,” he said and made his way to the Ravenclaw common room. </p><p>Rey huffed and went to the Slytherin common room, dying to know more. </p><p> </p><p>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p><p> </p><p><br/>
It was the day of their Charms and DADA N.E.W.Ts and Rey was panicking. Her entire future would be decided between today and tomorrow and she couldn’t stand it. </p><p>She tested well and did well in her O.W.Ls 5th year, but there was something more...concrete and weighted to these. Their professors had been preparing them for the worst and Rey felt like she was going to crack under the pressure. </p><p>Rey walked to the Great Hall and waited outside, sitting on a bench. Ben strolled up soon after, looking about as nervous as Rey did. </p><p>“I guess we’ll be testing together,” he observed. </p><p>“What?” Rey said. </p><p>“Solana and Solo. I guess our rivalry will be there until the bitter end,” Ben chuckled. </p><p>“Oh. I didn’t even realize. I guess that’s true. How poetic,” she replied, but she never looked up. </p><p>Ben sat down next to her. </p><p>“Are you okay, Rey?” He asked, with concern in his eyes. </p><p>“Yeah, sorry. I’m just nervous. These tests decide our whole future, you know? It just seems so unfair. What if I mess up?” She replied, finally looking him in the eye. </p><p>“Rey, you’ll be fine. Besides me you’re the best in our year.”</p><p>“Hey, I’m better than you at DADA and Potions at least,” she said. </p><p>“See? The competition lives on. Maybe we’ll be enemies forever,” he said. </p><p>“I thought you were beginning to tolerate my presence at the end there, Solo.”</p><p>“I guess I was. And you were, too.”</p><p>“Against Jessika’s wishes,” she sighed. </p><p>“Is she doing okay?” Ben asked. </p><p>“Yeah, she’s fine. She said the N.E.W.Ts today went as well as she expected, at least.”</p><p>“Good, good,” Ben responded.</p><p>They fell into silence and Ben fidgeted with his hands. </p><p>They both shot to attention when they heard the examiner come out and yell, “Solana, Solomon, Solo, Tanner, and Taubman”. </p><p>They looked at one another and got off the bench. </p><p>“Good luck,” Rey said. </p><p>“Good luck, Solana. You’ll need it for Charms for sure,” he joked. </p><p>Rey rolled her eyes as they walked into the great hall. </p><p>Charms was first -- Rey thought she did well, until it came time to cast a Patronus Charm. She just couldn’t do it. She could barely get any silver whispers out of her wand, let alone a corporeal form. </p><p>She was angry with herself, and with her parents for abandoning her and not giving her enough happy memories to supply. She was mad she couldn’t think of any experiences at school worth enough. </p><p>She became even angrier when she turned to her right and saw Ben’s Patronus -- a Golden Retriever, running around the Great Hall. Of course he could produce a perfect Patronus. He caught her staring and gave her a sad look of consolation and a shrug. </p><p>For what it was worth, her examiner was a kind witch. </p><p>“It’s okay, dear. It’s hard to produce a Patronus charm in a setting like this with all the stress. You did well otherwise,” and Rey thanked her before she scurried out of the Great Hall. </p><p>They had half an hour before DADA and Ben and Rey resumed their places on the bench outside the hall. </p><p>“I saw...” Ben started. </p><p>“I don’t want to talk about it,” Rey cut him off. </p><p>“Okay. I’m sorry. You did really well, otherwise. I saw you. Your color changing charm was perfect.”</p><p>“Thanks,” she mumbled. </p><p>“You’re welcome,” he said. </p><p>“I should be looking over my notes or something. I feel restless,” Rey was flustered. </p><p>“Looking over your notes at this point isn’t going to do anything but stress you out more. You’ve learned all you can. Trust me.”</p><p>“Don’t try to use logic right now, Solo. I’m panicking and need to do <em>something</em>,” she exclaimed. </p><p>“We have twenty-five minutes. Let’s walk around. At least for a bit,” he said, getting up from the bench and extending her a hand. </p><p>She looked up and gave him a skeptical look. Instead of taking his hand, she got up on her own and grabbed her bag.  </p><p>They walked around and discussed everything but DADA. They gossiped about the romance budding between two of the 5th year prefects and speculated on who would be Head Boy and Head Girl next year. By the time they got back to the Great Hall, Rey felt significantly calmer. </p><p>The examiner called their name once more. </p><p>“You’ll do great, Rey. No competition this time,” Ben said. </p><p>“Please. I need competition to motivate me. I’m going to kick your ass,” she taunted. </p><p>Rey’s exam went nearly perfectly -- she messed up on one counter jinx but was able to correct it in the end. While her examiner took a moment to write something down, Rey heard Ben’s examiner. </p><p>“You’re Leia Organa’s son, is that correct? She’s a lovely witch. Fierce and smart as hell,” his examiner said. </p><p>“Yes, I am,” Ben responded and Rey could see Ben’s pained expression on his face. She pretended she didn’t notice when he messed up the non-verbal spell she knew he could perform flawlessly right after, too. </p><p>After they filed out of the Great Hall, they walked back towards the dorms together. </p><p>“I don’t want to talk about it,” was Ben’s first reply. </p><p>“Now you know how I felt,” she said. </p><p>“Here’s hoping tomorrow is better. But that I’ll still beat you,” he said as he split off to go towards the Ravenclaw common room. </p><p>“We’ll see,” Rey responded. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. tired little laughs, gold lie promises</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>our two fools get into the Auror program &amp; have a lot of feelings</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey settled into her flat provided by the ministry with minimal discomfort. She had never lived alone before and while she felt kind of lonely, it was also freeing. </p>
<p>Her friends were close, at least -- Jessika had been accepted to the Healers program at St. Mungo’s and both Korkie and Kaydel got jobs at the Ministry. Kaydel even said she would look at apartments with Rey in London after Rey was done with Auror training. </p>
<p>Rey felt a small pit in her stomach when she thought about Auror training. That was all she worked for at Hogwarts. She wanted to be elite. She wanted to be the best of the best. But on the eve of the start to the program, she wondered if she had made a mistake. She wondered if her talents were best used elsewhere. </p>
<p>But there was no use thinking about that now. She was in the flat they provided during training and would be spending the next three months in a grueling slog of work. And she’d be the best, too. There was no doubt about that in her mind. Even though she wasn’t sure she really wanted to be an Auror anymore, she wasn’t going to let that diminish her accomplishments. She was a Slytherin, after all. Ambition is in her blood. </p>
<p>Rey arrived at the training facility five minutes before her scheduled time, and she was quite proud of that fact. Timeliness was never her strong suit, but she’d be damned if she would be late on her first day. </p>
<p>When she got there, she realized pretty much everyone was <em>also</em> already there, and it was like she was late anyway. </p>
<p>There were a crowd of about thirty people and Rey felt her stomach drop again. She had no right to be here, really. She was a muggleborn who only got an Exceeds Expectations on her DADA exam -- most of these people probably got an Outstanding. She continued to spiral inside her own her until she heard a familiar voice call out, “Solana?”</p>
<p>She turned her head immediately. </p>
<p>“Holy shit, Ben Solo. You made it,” she crossed to him, pushing past the seemingly sea of people. </p>
<p>“And you did, too. Congrats,” he smiled. </p>
<p>“Ha, well. I’m not sure I’m cut out for it. I’ve been panicking since yesterday that I’ve made a terrible decision,” she confessed. </p>
<p>“Well, see how you feel at the end of training, at least. You made it this far,” he counseled. </p>
<p>“I did, didn’t I? And I was on-time. Early, even! Even though it seems like everyone else was even earlier...I feel like I missed a memo,” she said. </p>
<p>“First day jitters. It’s okay. I’m proud you were here on time, anyway.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” she said. </p>
<p>There was a hum of hushed tones coming from the front of the room and Rey noticed the trainers walking through the room, accompanied by the Head of the Magical Law Enforcement, Satine Kryze. </p>
<p>Rey knew a little about her, mostly because she had also been a Slytherin and she was Korkie’s mom. Korkie had always told everyone he had no pull with the Auror program, and Rey believed him. But there was a voice in the back of her head that told her that maybe she got in with an “Exceeds Expectations” in DADA because of Korkie. He never mentioned anything and she’d never ask. </p>
<p>The trainees shuffled into the training facility and sat down. </p>
<p>Once everyone had settled down, Satine moved toward the podium and amplified her voice slightly with her wand. </p>
<p>Rey looked around to see if she noticed anyone she knew. There were a few Hufflepuffs she recognized as graduating the year before her, and a couple Gryffindors from her year. Otherwise, she was lost. </p>
<p>“Welcome! We are delighted to have you as our next round of Aurors-in-training. You were selected by a committee committed to excellence and you have beat quite a few people to get here. You should be proud of your accomplishment,” Satine told the crowd. </p>
<p>“Yeah, except I heard there’s a Slytherin muggleborn in here. Has to be nepotism, right? They can’t be that good,” Rey heard someone say from behind her. They were soft enough so Satine and the trainers couldn’t hear, but Rey was certain everyone around them heard clear as day. She began to turn red and felt Ben’s eyes on her. </p>
<p>“Didn’t Satine’s son just graduate? He had to have helped her out. And honestly, I don’t care what anyone says. I just don’t find Slytherins very trustworthy. I never will,” a girl replied to her friend. </p>
<p>Rey sank down in her chair even more. She shook her head at Ben, willing him not to mention it. </p>
<p>“That’s fucked up. I wouldn’t be rivals with someone who wasn’t good at magic,” he whispered to her, low enough so they couldn’t hear. </p>
<p>“I know,” she said. </p>
<p>“They’re wrong,” he whispered. </p>
<p>She gave him a soft smile, trying to convince herself they were indeed wrong. </p>
<p>“You will engage in a rigorous three month training program. This will not be easy. Enric Pryde, Ahsoka Tano, and Kanan Jarrus are some of my best aurors, and the toughest. They will not accept anything less than your best. If your best does not align with the program’s needs, you will be let go,” Satine continued. </p>
<p>Rey felt her stomach drop again.</p>
<p>“Only half of you will become Aurors. I’m sure the other half will have brilliant careers in other departments of the Ministry, just not mine,” she said, scanning the crowd. </p>
<p>“Work hard. Concentrate. Demonstrate why you were chosen. Don’t  fear failure. Learn from your mistakes and do better next time. I’ll be checking in weekly with your trainers and will hear about your progress. And trainees, I don’t like to be disappointed,” Satine finished and exited with a curt wave to the crowd. </p>
<p>Kanan stepped forward to introduce himself and started calling out names. They’d be put into groups of four with pairs in them for the training camp. It wasn’t in alphabetical order, and Rey wasn’t sure if she was grateful she wouldn’t be with Ben or not. </p>
<p>“Johnson, Solana, Dameron, Solo,” Kanan called and Rey looked toward Ben. </p>
<p>“The rivalry lives on, it seems,” Rey said. </p>
<p>Ben raised his hand so the other two could find them. </p>
<p>“Hi, I’m Finn Johnson,” the first man said. </p>
<p>“Poe Dameron,” said the other. </p>
<p>“Rey Solana.”</p>
<p>“Ben Solo.”</p>
<p>“Holy shit, you’re Leia Organa’s son, right?” Finn asked. </p>
<p>“Yeah, I am,” Ben said coldly. Rey looked up at him. </p>
<p>“When did you graduate?” Finn inquired. </p>
<p>“Just graduated from Hogwarts last month,” Ben said. </p>
<p>“What house were you?” Poe wondered. </p>
<p>“Ravenclaw,” Ben replied. </p>
<p>“Nice. Poe and I graduated last year. I was a Hufflepuff, he was a Gryffindor,” Finn said. </p>
<p>“What about you?” Poe gestured to Rey. </p>
<p>“Oh. I just graduated this year well. I was a Slytherin,” she said. </p>
<p>“A Slytherin? Damn. What family?” Poe asked. </p>
<p>“Oh, none. I’m a muggleborn. I’m not pure blood,” Rey’s face felt hot. </p>
<p>“Oh shit, you’re the muggleborn Slytherin everyone’s been talking about,” Finn exclaimed. </p>
<p>“She was the second best in our year. Besides me, of course,” Ben stated before Rey could say anything. Rey could feel her face growing more red by the minute. </p>
<p>“Please, Solo. I’m better than you at Potions and DADA and you know it,” she teased back, feeling like herself again. </p>
<p>“Oh, we’ll be a lively group. Competition abounds,” Poe said. </p>
<p>“I don’t even know what training entails. I feel lost,” Rey admitted. </p>
<p>“My dad was an Auror. It’s a lot of practical drills and stuff and then there’s an exam at the end -- both written and practical,” Finn said. </p>
<p>“Thanks,” she replied.</p>
<p>The first day of training past quickly enough. It was a lot of introductions, a lot of paperwork, and a lot of Rey hiding the fact that she was the muggleborn Slytherin everyone had talked about. She refused to let that color her experience. </p>
<p>She met Jessika, Kaydel, and Korkie for dinner after she was released and she had never drank a firewhiskey so fast in her life.</p>
<p>“Your mom seems like a hard ass,” Rey told Korkie. </p>
<p>He laughed, “She is. You should see her talk to my dad. He never stands a chance when she thinks she’s right. He works in the Department on Mysteries. You might run into him at some point, Kaydel. Obi-Wan Kenobi.”</p>
<p>“Oh shit, he’s legendary. Everyone was talking about him today. How the hell are your parents like the two most powerful people in the world and you’re just the Junior Undersecretary to the the head of Magical Games?” Kaydel teased. </p>
<p>“My parents are very much in the camp that I have to do it all on my own and start from the bottom,” he rolled his eyes. </p>
<p>“Please tell that to everyone in the Auror training program who believes me being friends with you got me a place in the program,” Rey groaned. </p>
<p>“Are people really saying that?” Korkie asked. </p>
<p>“Yes, behind my back <em>and</em> to my face. I’m miserable,” Rey took another large sip of her drink. </p>
<p>“I definitely didn’t. I think my mom barely knows about you, honestly. No offense,” he added quickly. </p>
<p>“None taken,” Rey said. </p>
<p>“Anybody we know in it with you?” Kaydel asked. </p>
<p>“I recognized a few people. In my small group there’s two guys who graduated last year, Finn Johnson and Poe Dameron. And because my life couldn’t get worse, Ben Solo is also there and in my group.”</p>
<p>“Ben made the Auror program?” Jessika asked, ears perking up and her eyes wide. </p>
<p>“Yeah, he was there this morning.”</p>
<p>“Surprising,” Jessika scoffed and took a drink. </p>
<p>“He’s smart, Jess. You have to admit that,” Korkie reasoned. </p>
<p>“I’m not saying he’s not smart. It’s just...with his family and past and everything it seems like a surprising choice,” Jessika said. </p>
<p>“What about?” Rey inquired. </p>
<p>“Not my story to tell,” Jessika said. </p>
<p>“Oh, come on. We love to gossip. Spill,” Kaydel encouraged. </p>
<p>“Our relationship was fucked but I’m not going to do that. I’m sure it’ll come out eventually, though. Hard to hide things from the Daily Prophet. Especially now that he’s graduated and supposed to be <em>protecting</em> the Wizarding world from dark forces,” Jessika replied, sarcasm dripping. </p>
<p>The inflection in her voice left Rey analyzing her words for hours. Was Ben’s family secretly evil? She had no idea. She knew it wasn’t totally her place, but she had to work with him for the next three months and she didn’t want him bringing her down. </p>
<p>“Anyway, enough about how awful the Auror program is. How were your days?” Rey asked, sick of lingering on the subject.</p>
<p><br/>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p>
<p><br/>For as much as Rey thought her and Ben had made progress to move past enemies into the “friendly rivals” category, he never once went easy on her in training. In fact, he got mad at her quite a few times because she wasn’t <em>good enough</em> and was bringing him down. She scoffed and remembered what Jessika had said. She almost brought it up, too. But she couldn’t be that cruel and stoop as low as he was. She knew he was just frustrated because fuck -- Kanan, Ahsoka, and Enric were downright evil to them. </p>
<p>It was a metaphorical bloodbath every day. Rey would go to bed with echos of Ahsoka telling her to move faster, perform magic quicker and better in her head. </p>
<p>Ben didn’t talk to her outside of training and it made Rey angrier than she would have thought. She didn’t expect them to be friends, but <em>God</em>, he was the only one who was remotely nice to her. He was the only one that didn’t think she got here because of Korkie. And now he was completely ignoring her except to kick her ass at training when she was out of her element. She’d win in duels sometimes, but then she’d just get too in her head and fuck everything else up.</p>
<p>“Stop overthinking,” he told her one day. </p>
<p>“I’m trying,” she felt exasperated. </p>
<p>“Not hard enough. You’re better than this, Rey.”</p>
<p>She wanted to quit. She wanted to run away. But she couldn’t. She had nothing else. She had no skills, no family, anything. She had to succeed. She wasn’t sure why, but this was the kick in the ass she needed. </p>
<p>From then on, she wasn’t going to fail. She was going to be at the top of her class. She wouldn’t settle for less. </p>
<p>Even Poe and Finn noticed the difference in the way she trained. </p>
<p>“Damn Rey, that was a solid run. Faster than anyone else,” Finn noted after one particularly good obstacle course. </p>
<p>“Thanks,” she said, a little out of breath. </p>
<p>“Yeah, you kicked Solo’s ass,” Poe remarked. </p>
<p>“Please, I had her until the last second,” Ben defended. </p>
<p>“No you didn’t,” Rey insisted. </p>
<p>“Yes, I did,” Ben said. </p>
<p>“No, you didn’t,” Rey said, firmer this time. </p>
<p>Ben opened his mouth to speak, but Kanan announced training for the day had ended and Rey picked up her bag and started walking out before Ben could say anything. </p>
<p>A month and a half into training, they released their current class rankings. Ben was number one and Rey was number two. She couldn’t handle it. She felt like she was back at Hogwarts -- she wanted this to be <em>different</em>, and here she was, still just seething over the fact that she was second to Ben Solo. </p>
<p>“Looks like we have some friendly competition brewing between one of our dueling partners -- Ben Solo and Rey Solana are neck and neck. It will be interesting to see how the rest of your training works out. For those of you not listed in the top ten, it might be your cue to work harder or find a different profession. Good luck,” Satine said as she presented the rankings. </p>
<p>Ben didn’t look at Rey at all.</p>
<p>A few weeks later, while Ben and Rey dueled Rey felt the same way she did when she and Ben infamously dueled in Professor Skywalker’s class -- they both were dangerously close to hurting each other and themselves. Ahsoka and Enric pulled them apart. </p>
<p>“That’s enough for today. Go home. Rest. Don’t do this again,” Ahsoka told them. </p>
<p>Rey huffed and left wordlessly. She heard Ben begin to argue with them, but she couldn’t bare to stick around. </p>
<p>She was almost outside of the Ministry when Ben caught up to her. </p>
<p>“Rey!” He called. She pointedly did not respond and kept walking. </p>
<p>“Rey!” He kept calling and running toward her. </p>
<p>“Rey!”</p>
<p>She turned around and stopped in her tracks. Ben almost ran into her, not expecting her to stop. </p>
<p>“What?” She shot at him. </p>
<p>“What the fuck was that?” He asked. </p>
<p>“I could ask you the same damn thing, Ben.”</p>
<p>“You were acting like you were trying to kill me. They had to <em>pull us apart</em>,” Ben emphasized. </p>
<p>“You were trying to kill me! God, this is exactly what happened in DADA 6th year. And fuck, your uncle told me to be careful around you. I should have known better. I don’t what the fuck is your deal, Solo, but I don’t want a part of your drama.”</p>
<p>“My uncle told you what?”</p>
<p>“That’s all you’re going to respond to?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s pretty fucked up that he would say that so I’m fixating on that. So sorry I didn’t respond exactly how you wanted, Rey. I can’t read your mind,” Ben’s voice faltered a bit. </p>
<p>“The real question is why you decided to act like my friend for a few weeks and then stop speaking to me and act like I don’t exist anymore,” Rey said pointedly. </p>
<p>“I...” Ben stammered. </p>
<p>“What? You didn’t think I’d notice? You didn’t think I notice that our fun “rivalry” turned right back into you being my fucking nemesis again?” </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Rey. I didn’t know that you would care. I thought you hated me, anyway,” Ben apologized. </p>
<p>“I don’t hate you, Ben. You just infuriate me. And I just want to beat you. But I never hated you. You were the only person in this program who didn’t think I got in just because of Korkie. That mattered to me. But I guess you hate me,” Rey felt too vulnerable and started to walk away. Ben pulled her back. </p>
<p>“I don’t hate you, either. I didn’t...fuck, I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a dick.”</p>
<p>“Just say it.”</p>
<p>“You were floundering in training. You were doing absolutely awful. The worst I’d ever seen you do magic, Rey. I didn’t know if it was because you were distracted or you didn’t want to be here or whatever. But I didn’t want to fall with you, so I distanced myself. And I guess it worked, because it made you realize you can really do this.”</p>
<p>“You didn’t want to be associated with my failures,” Rey summarized. </p>
<p>“I really do sound like a dick when you put it that way,” Ben said softly. </p>
<p>Rey scoffed. </p>
<p>“Can we just call a truce? Can you just make small talk to me like a normal person? I hate feeling like I’m all alone,” Rey asked. </p>
<p>“We can. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry we both kind of lost it today. I’ll be better,” Ben agreed.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry as well. Thank you,” she said. </p>
<p>“You’re welcome,” Ben said. </p>
<p>“I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow, Ben,” Rey turned and walked away. </p>
<p>“Goodbye, Rey.”</p>
<p>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p>
<p><br/>Rey felt like the conversation with Ben helped -- he at least stopped ignoring her existence completely, even if he wasn’t overtly friendly. Even Finn and Poe noticed and were grateful their group didn’t feel as fractured anymore. They even studied together as a group for their practical exams. </p>
<p>During their Occlumency lessons, Rey noticed Ben was far above everybody else. Kanan did as well. When he commented on it in front of everyone, Ben turned red and looked like he wanted to disappear. </p>
<p>“Where did you learn Occlumency at such a high level, Solo?” Kanan asked. </p>
<p>“My uncle,” Ben replied in a quiet voice.</p>
<p>“Ah. Right. Should have guessed that after everything,” Ahsoka said.</p>
<p>Ahsoka looked at Ben like she was drilling holes into his eyes. He shook his head and walked away before anyone could say anything.</p>
<p>Ben and Rey were still in first and second place and Rey did everything she could to try and beat Ben, but three weeks from the end of training was all about Patronuses and learning to communicate via them and Rey was completely out of her element. She couldn’t do it. Even the instructors were vocal about how disappointing her performance was. </p>
<p>She didn’t have to be told twice. She knew she was awful at them. At the end of the second day of not being able to produce a Patronus, Rey ran out of the room willing herself not to cry.  She knew how important this was and she couldn’t do it. She wasn’t cut out for this. </p>
<p>Ben caught up with her outside of the Ministry. </p>
<p>“You couldn’t cast a Patronus at our N.E.W.Ts, either,” he said. </p>
<p>“No, I couldn’t,” she said curtly. </p>
<p>“Have you ever been able to?”</p>
<p>“No, I haven’t.”</p>
<p>“Have you tried...” Ben began. </p>
<p>“I’ve tried everything, Ben. Professor Antilles tried everything with me. We had private lessons. I just can’t do it. And now I’m going to lose my second spot in the rankings and probably not even become an Auror because I’m useless,” she said. </p>
<p>“You’re not useless. Why do you think you can’t get it?”</p>
<p>Rey paused for a moment, taken aback by the question. No one had never asked her <em>why</em> she couldn’t cast one.</p>
<p>“I don’t have a happy enough memory,” she realized.</p>
<p>“Oh, Rey,” Ben’s face softened and there was sadness in his voice. </p>
<p>“Please don’t try to empathize with me,” she said. </p>
<p>“I’m...” He started and paused for a moment. </p>
<p>“Seriously, Ben. I’m just broken.”</p>
<p>“I know you think you don’t have a happy enough memory but trust me, Rey. If I can do it, so can you. I told you how fucked up my life was, don’t you remember? Do you want to know what my memory is?”</p>
<p>“What?” She asked with little enthusiasm, just wishing this was over and she could go back to wallowing in self pity. </p>
<p>“My favorite meal in New York City. That’s it. Nothing special. Nothing to do with anyone else. Just this one time that I had the best meal of my life.”</p>
<p>“Are you serious?”</p>
<p>“Yes, Rey. And I can cast a Patronus <em>and</em> use it to communicate with others. Think about it. Try it tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“I...I will. Thank you, Ben. I appreciate it,” Rey said. </p>
<p>“You’re welcome. I’ll see you tomorrow. Stop being so hard on yourself,” he told her. </p>
<p>“I’ll try.”</p>
<p>Rey practiced all night to get a corporeal form. She knew she’d be exhausted tomorrow, but damn if she wouldn’t get this right.  At 3am, she finally managed to produce a Patronus. A Labrador retriever. Close to Ben’s, she thought fleetingly before she finally managed to fall asleep. </p>
<p>Kanan gave her a curt nod when she cast her Patronus the next day. Ben smiled at her and gave her a more friendly nod. She tried not to outwardly exclaim or be excited -- she didn’t want to draw anymore attention to herself. </p>
<p>“That was great,” Ben told her as they left for the day. </p>
<p>“I couldn’t have done it without your help. Thank you,” she said. </p>
<p>“You’re welcome. What did you end up using?” He asked. </p>
<p>“Oh,” Rey was caught off guard. </p>
<p>“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel comfortable,” he added quickly. </p>
<p>“No, no. It’s fine. I used my first opening feast at Hogwarts. I’d never seen so much food. I loved it all. I was sick for days because I ate too much,” she said. </p>
<p>Ben laughed. </p>
<p>“That’s a good one,” he smiled at her. </p>
<p>“Thanks, again.”</p>
<p>“Of course, Rey.”</p>
<p><br/>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p>
<p><br/>A week before training ended Ahsoka asked both Ben and Rey to stay after training. </p>
<p>“Satine wants to have a word with you both,” he told them. They exchanged glances. </p>
<p>“It’s nothing bad,” Ahsoka said. </p>
<p>They made their way to Satine’s office, accompanied by Ahsoka after class that day. </p>
<p>“Ah, my two best students. Sit down, please,” Satine gestured to the chairs across from her.</p>
<p>“I have something to discuss with you both. I want to implore you that this is of the utmost discretion. This information cannot be leaked. If it were to be leaked, I would know it was you and you’d suffer grave consequences.”</p>
<p>Rey felt a lump in her throat. She had no idea what was happening and she didn’t like it at all.</p>
<p>“You are our two best recruits. You’ll become Aurors in a week. Coincidentally, you both are perfect for an undercover mission we’ve been planning. There is a dark wizard group making its way to England. We need to infiltrate, gain intelligence, and take them down.”</p>
<p>“And you want us?” Rey asked, and immediately regretted it. She felt like a child. </p>
<p>“Yes. The group is the First Order. Have you heard of them, Rey?” Satine asked. </p>
<p>“A bit. There was some stuff in the Prophet I remember reading. They’re awful. Anti-muggle and muggleborn,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Yes. We’ll fully brief you before you begin. But there are rumors their leader Snoke is interested in you. Claims it’s impossible to have a muggleborn Slytherin...and when he found out you were an orphan, well...he’s convinced you have magical parentage. He wants you in his crew,” Satine told her. </p>
<p>“Snoke...knows who I am?” Rey was dumbfounded. </p>
<p>“Yes, he does. And he wants you to join the First Order. And naturally, Ben has an in...” Satine started. </p>
<p>“How does Ben naturally have an in with the First Order?” Rey cut her off before adding a small “sorry.”</p>
<p>“Ah. She doesn’t know?” Satine directed the question to Ben. </p>
<p>“No,” Ben said quietly. </p>
<p>“Best to tell her before you start this assignment. Tell her tonight,” Satine instructed. </p>
<p>“I’m confused,” Rey said. </p>
<p>Satine ignored Rey and moved on.</p>
<p>“I need to know if you both are up for this challenge. It won’t be easy. You won’t be able to contact your friends from outside the First Order, not even Finn and Poe. You’d be totally isolated. We’ll put you up in an apartment together, but that’s it. You’ll meet with your manager -- it’ll be Ahsoka -- once every two weeks for updates, unless there’s something critical. Rey, I know this is a lot to take in.”</p>
<p>“It is...but I don’t have a choice, do I? Snoke wants me. I might as well try to help the Ministry out and not get killed in the process,” Rey reasoned. </p>
<p>“Correct. Ahsoka is taking the lead on this undercover investigation but I will be watching closely. Ben, I’ve talked with your mother...”</p>
<p>“Why?” He seemed close to shouting. </p>
<p>“I needed to know if you could handle this. I talked to Mon Mothma and other Hogwarts teachers as well,” Satine continued. </p>
<p>“My uncle? I’m sure he had lovely things to say about this,” Ben rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“He was indeed the only one who thought I was making the biggest mistake of my career. Your mother has faith in you, though. She seems to think this is what you need. Can you do this, Ben?”</p>
<p>“I can,” he stated, with a tone of finality that convinced Rey she could do it as well. </p>
<p>“Good. Now, leave me to my paperwork and tell Rey why you have an in with the First Order, Ben.”</p>
<p>Satine gestured for them to get up and Ben didn’t waste any time. </p>
<p>“So why do you...” Rey started the moment they left her office. </p>
<p>“Shh!” Ben covered Rey’s mouth. </p>
<p>“Not here. Come to my place. I’ll tell you,” he said. </p>
<p>“Fine,” she said, taking his hand off her mouth, “don’t do that again.”</p>
<p>“Sorry, we just can’t talk about it here. Didn’t you listen to Satine at all? Utmost discretion?”</p>
<p>Rey nodded.</p>
<p>Ben’s flat was nicer than hers by far. She had figured it would be, of course, but she still couldn’t suppress her jealousy. </p>
<p>“Do you want something to drink?” He offered. </p>
<p>“Water, thanks,” she said. </p>
<p>“Of course.” </p>
<p>She noticed he took a shot of muggle alcohol and grabbed himself a Firewhiskey. </p>
<p>“I can’t be sober to tell you this. Honestly, I’m fucking terrified, Rey.”</p>
<p>“Can you just tell me? I’m getting nervous.”</p>
<p>“I know. Okay. So you know how I transferred to Hogwarts 6th year? No one really knew why, but there were just rumors about how there were issues with my mom and MACUSA? That’s why she quit being President and took a consulting position with the Ministry? But she’s back in America now?” Ben’s voice was more timid than normal. Rey could tell he wasn’t lying about being terrified. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” she said. </p>
<p>“And how my uncle told you to be careful around me or whatever? And how I was the best at Occlumency in training?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” she replied, grimacing a little. </p>
<p>“There was a reason. And Rey, please don’t interrupt or ask questions yet. Let me just tell the story. And we can talk about it after.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” she said, taking a sip of water and wishing she had requested something stronger. </p>
<p>“Snoke, the leader of the First Order somehow got in my mind when I was younger. I still don’t know how. I’m not sure I ever will. He could read my thoughts. He could influence what I was thinking. He...he convinced me my family didn’t care about me. He told me I was stronger than they realized. He told me he was the only one who saw my potential and could help me prosper. I believed him wholeheartedly.”</p>
<p>Ben took another drink before he continued. </p>
<p>“I was 14 the first summer my parents realized something was wrong, they shipped me off to live with Luke. He tried to train me. It...didn’t work. Snoke’s influence only got stronger. One night I woke up to Luke holding his wand over my head. I...didn’t know what to do. I attacked him.”</p>
<p>He paused and Rey was unsure if she should say anything. She tried to show him the genuine sadness she felt for his younger self in her eyes, but he refused to look at her. </p>
<p>“I went to Snoke. I was part of the First Order, basically. Snoke’s apprentice. It was awful. He tortured me. He told me pain was instructional. He made me do terrible things. My father, he’s a muggle...I don’t know if you knew that. But they captured him and tortured him in front of me and I didn’t do <em>anything</em>. I saw my dad die and I didn’t do anything. I can’t forgive myself for that.”</p>
<p>Ben paused again and Rey noticed he was fighting back tears. Rey put her hand on his back, but he pulled away. </p>
<p>“It was fucking horrible. Luke came and got me out of there, the summer before our 6th year. He taught me Occlumency. I got very good at it. I’ve been blocking Snoke from my mind ever since. They sent me to Hogwarts because it was far from the First Order and Luke could keep an eye on me and help me with Occlumency if I needed it. That’s why I came. And that’s why I’m older than you.”</p>
<p>“I told Jessika. It felt unfair not to. I left out some details, but told her the basics. Sometimes...sometimes I feel his presence still in the back of my mind. I still have nightmares about the torture and what he made me do...she was with me when I had nightmares and I couldn’t hide it from her. I’ve worked for the past two years to get Snoke out of my head. And I know I can’t say no to this assignment, but I’m so scared to fall again.”</p>
<p>He finally looked up at her and wiped tears away from his face. </p>
<p>Rey was silent for a moment. </p>
<p>“This is why I didn’t want to tell you. I knew you’d hate me forever. I’m awful. I’m an awful person. And you’re good. You’re kind. You shouldn’t have to pretend to be my friend or be assigned to this with me,” he said. </p>
<p>“Ben, you...I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m sorry he invaded your mind. I’m sorry you have to spend every day blocking him. You don’t deserve that, no matter what he made you do. You were a kid. You were vulnerable. And Jessika never told me anything. She didn’t betray your trust. I’m not...I haven’t pretended to be your friend. I didn’t think we were friends, to be honest,” she replied. </p>
<p>“You’re the closest thing I have to one right now,” he stated, sniffling slightly.</p>
<p>“I understand. I’m scared, too, Ben. Snoke wants <em>me</em> as well. I’m scared he’ll get in my head like he did with you. And I’m not a good Occlumens like you are. I don’t stand a chance against him. What if I fall, too?”</p>
<p>“You won’t. You’re stronger than me. I can help you, with the Occlumency. I’ll protect you, Rey. I won’t let him do what he did to me.”</p>
<p>“Will you?”</p>
<p>“I promise.” </p>
<p>“Thank you, Ben.”</p>
<p>“Are you terrified to be in the same room as me now? Am I just a monster to you?”</p>
<p>“No, you’re not. I wish I had known earlier, but I don’t blame you for not wanting to tell me. We have to work together on this, Ben. Can we promise no more secrets?”</p>
<p>“No more secrets.”</p>
<p>“Please don’t cry anymore, Ben. I’ve never seen you like this and it’s disconcerting.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. It’s just a lot,” he wiped his eyes again. </p>
<p>“I know,” she said, in a more soothing tone. </p>
<p>“I’m still not sure if I can handle this,” he admitted. </p>
<p>“Me, too. But we’ll get through it together.”</p>
<p>“You should get going, it’s late. We have an early day tomorrow,” Ben said. </p>
<p>“Okay. Will you...will you be okay? Do you still have nightmares?”</p>
<p>“I’ll take a sleeping potion and I’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>Rey moved toward the door but lingered for a moment.</p>
<p>“Ben, do you think what Satine said was correct? How Snoke thinks I have magical parents?” </p>
<p>“I don’t know, Rey. We can try to find out if you’d like,” he offered. </p>
<p>“I’m not sure yet. Maybe.”</p>
<p>“Think about it. I’ll see you tomorrow, Rey. Get home safely.”</p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p>Rey left and Ben slumped down against the door, running his hands through his hair and crying once more. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. dropping glasses just to hear them break</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Poe and Finn made it into the Auror program with Ben and Rey. They kept making comments about how excited they were to all be together -- and all Ben and Rey could do was nod and feign excitement. Rey took notice that one of the girls who talked about her on the first day made it in but the other did not. </p><p>She smirked to herself that she beat this person fair and square -- but there was something inside her that rationed she only made it because Satine knew Snoke wanted her. She tried to push that thought to the back of her mind, but it kept eating at her. </p><p>Ben and Rey were to go through the first two months of post-trainee life like normal. They’d have briefings each morning with Satine and the rest of the crew working on the First Order. They’d received credible intelligence that they were coming to London around Halloween. </p><p>Ben would make contact with a few of his old comrades before then, telling them he finished school at Hogwarts -- it might be enough for them to mention Rey organically. If not, Ben would play it as if Rey was interested in the First Order herself. </p><p>Rey started to distance herself from her friends. She blamed it on the heavy workload, but no one really believed her. It hurt her but she knew she had to do it. She felt alone again for the first time in years, and she felt herself beginning to lose control. </p><p>Ben worked with her on Occlumency. It was the most vulnerable she’d ever been, honestly. She wasn’t very good at it, and it ended up with Ben in her head looking through her memories more often than she’d like to admit. She wasn’t sure how he was able to constantly block Snoke from his mind.</p><p>One evening, he ran into a memory of her from her childhood. She was cold, hungry, and afraid and no one was there for her. It morphed into a recent memory -- maybe days ago?, of her crying in her apartment because she felt the same. She was so <em>alone</em>, and she regretted choosing this career and wished she wasn’t a witch. </p><p>He pulled away when he saw that. He saw she was crying and moved closer to her, but looked unsure if he should completely close the gap and touch her. Rey wasn’t sure what she wanted.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Rey. I didn’t mean to...I didn’t mean to see those. Sometimes we don’t have control over what we show others and what we see. Are you okay?”</p><p>She started crying even harder. He looked even more concerned and pulled away a little.</p><p>“I’ve been pretending I’m okay but I’m not, Ben. I’m so fucking sad. I spent years being alone and sad and then I found friends...I found a family. And now I have to distance myself from them because in a month I’ll be in a different part of the country unable to speak to them. And I’m scared.”</p><p>Ben put his arm around her shoulder, trying to offer some comfort. </p><p>“Occlumency is not easy for me. What if Snoke gets in my head? What if he manipulates me? What if he finds out we’re undercover and it’s *my fault*. I couldn’t live with the guilt,” she rambled and broke down. </p><p>“Rey, it’s okay to be sad. It’s fucking awful what they’re asking us to do. It is. I’m...I’m in the same boat as you. We’re in this together. And you’re getting better at Occlumency every day. I know you don’t feel like you are, but you are. You’re hiding most of your thoughts except for your intense emotions. You just have to control those.”</p><p>“Easier said than done,” she sniffled. </p><p>“I know. I used to be so fucking angry and Snoke would prey on that. I don’t want him to do that to you. You have to try, Rey.”</p><p>Ben got up and grabbed her tissues from his counter and handed them to her gingerly. </p><p>“Do you want water?” He asked. </p><p>“Thank you. Yes,” she said and started wiping away the tears as they fell. </p><p>He handed her the water but she still hadn’t stopped crying. </p><p>“Rey, what can I do? I’m sorry I saw it. I really am. I can pretend like it never happened. I won’t bring it up again,” he pleaded. </p><p>“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I can’t stop crying,” she choked out. </p><p>“Don’t apologize. Do you want to sit on the couch? The floor can’t be comfortable.”</p><p>“Yes,” she managed. He extended her a hand and she took it. </p><p>“Legillimency is an attack on the mind. It leaves you exposed, like a live wire. I’m sorry, Rey. I should have been more careful.”</p><p>“No, I need to learn. And I have to learn to be alone.”</p><p>“You’re not alone, Rey.”</p><p>“Neither are you,” she said. </p><p>Ben’s words were stuck in his throat. He just looked at her with eyes ablaze. She was still crying. </p><p>“Thank you for teaching me, Ben. I know I’m not the easiest student,” she said. </p><p>“I just don’t want to you to go into this unprepared. It feels unfair to you. You’re not bait,” he said. </p><p>“I feel like that’s what the ministry thinks I am,” she confessed. </p><p>“Maybe. But not to me,” he said. </p><p>She gave him a slight smile. </p><p>“I should go. I don’t want to be crying on your couch all night. I should just go home and cry with my bottle of wine,” she said, shifting slightly. </p><p>“Are you sure you can get home okay?” </p><p>“Yeah, I can. Thank you,” she said. </p><p>“Will you send me a Patronus when you get home at least? So I know you’re okay?”</p><p>“Yes,” she said, getting up from the couch. He followed her quickly. </p><p>She turned before she opened the door. </p><p>“Thank you for being kind to me, Ben. I’m sorry again,” and she hugged him. He was caught off guard for a moment, but reciprocated and pulled her in tightly. </p><p>“Don’t be sorry. Seriously. I understand,” he said against her head. </p><p>She pulled away and sniffled again.</p><p>“I’ll send a Patronus when I’m home,” she said, and left. </p><p>Rey sent a Patronus once she got home and opened her bottle of wine. </p><p>“I’m home and safe. I’ll see you in the morning,” the message said. Ben pet the head of her Labrador Retriever and drank more of his Firewhiskey before collapsing on the couch, falling asleep. </p><p>The next morning Ben brought her a pumpkin juice. </p><p>“My mom always made me drink one when I was younger after I had a bad day,” he said. </p><p>“Thank you,” she smiled at him.</p><p>When they went to his apartment to practice Occlumency, he was cautious. She could tell he was holding back. </p><p>“Snoke won’t hold back, Ben. He’ll use my emotions against me. I need you to figure out where I’m vulnerable so I know how to stop those emotions from taking up so much space in my head,” she requested. </p><p>“Are you sure?” He asked, trepidation reeling through his words. </p><p>“Yes. I won’t be upset with you. I promise. I don’t know what you’ll see and I’m sorry if any of it makes you uncomfortable.”</p><p>“It’s okay, I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I want you to trust me. I won’t comment on anything I’ve seen. I won’t bring them up unless you want me to. But we should figure out what the emotions behind them are.”</p><p>“I trust you,” she said. </p><p>She felt him cast Legillimens non-verbally and enter her mind. She tried to block him, but she felt things slip through. </p><p>She saw flashes of memories float between them -- her being lost on the street as a child, Mon Mothma coming to her foster family telling her she was a witch, her foster dad screaming at her, her first Hogwarts feast, her first kiss, the first time they met, their first intense duel 6th year, her seeing him on the Hogwarts Express 7th year....</p><p>He pulled away. </p><p>“Okay. Let’s figure out what emotions you were projecting...”</p><p>“Fuck. I guess, loneliness and isolation...we know that’s a big one.”</p><p>“Yes,” he said. </p><p>“I think belonging, as well...with the feast and my first kiss,” she said, her cheeks beginning to blush. </p><p>“That was your first kiss?” He asked.</p><p>“Thought you weren’t going to comment on anything,” she said with a little snark. </p><p>“That was before I knew your first kiss was with that awful Gryffindor Ezra Bridger. I thought you’d have better taste than that, Solana,” he teased. </p><p>“Yeah, well. We all have things we regret,” she said. </p><p>“What else did you feel?...All the memories with me?” He asked tentatively. </p><p>“I...I don’t know.”</p><p>“That’s okay. It’s hard to discern emotions, sometimes.”</p><p>“I’m getting frustrated with myself.”</p><p>“You need to be kinder to yourself, Rey. I’ve been basically attacking your mind every night. It’s not easy for anyone to go through that.”</p><p>“Maybe the memories with you were brought to the surface because I was so focused on the fact that you were inside my head,” she guessed. </p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>Silence that said too much lingered and Rey didn’t want to get into why she was feeling like this. She felt herself staring off into the distance, wishing Ben would take mercy on her and say something because she couldn’t will herself to speak.</p><p>“Can you work on filtering out the emotions you identified? Move the memories associated with them to the back of your head in that locked portion I showed you. Can we try again?” Ben asked, and Rey brought herself back to the present.</p><p>She nodded, and he breeched her mind once more. </p><p>Rey tried with all her might to suppress her emotions. All that Ben saw were assorted memories with him -- the first time he made her laugh, when they patrolled together after he broke up with Jessika, when he extended his hand and made her walk around during N.E.W.Ts -- </p><p>Ben pulled away again. </p><p>“That was better. I could only...I only saw memories with us. No emotions. What made you think of those memories?”</p><p>“I think...I think it was just when you were kind to me. I don’t know. I’m sorry,” Rey was embarrassed. </p><p>“You don’t have to be...”</p><p>“Please, Ben.”</p><p>“This happens. When someone invades your mind. When my uncle was teaching me it was all memories of us together, like the time when he tried to teach me how to fly and I kept falling off the broom and he kept laughing at me,” he said. Rey thought it was a sort of peace offering. </p><p>Rey laughed at the thought of a young Ben falling off a broom. </p><p>“Please don’t be embarrassed, Rey. I can see you turning red. It’s okay. I don’t...I don’t think anything of it. I promise.”</p><p>“It’s just that you always cared about me, I think. Even when I was awful to you. Even when we fought. You always made sure I was okay.”</p><p>“I’ve spent the last two years trying not to be a monster anymore.”</p><p>“You’re not a monster,” she said. </p><p>They both moved closer together. Rey looked at Ben intently. His eyes felt hot against her skin. She thought he might kiss her and she thought she might want it. </p><p>But he didn’t. He pulled back, getting up from the floor. </p><p>“You should go. I still have to pack and everything. We leave in a few days, you know. You’re doing well with Occlumency. I’m not scared,” Ben said. </p><p>“Okay,” Rey sounded a little resigned. </p><p>“I’ll see you tomorrow, Rey.”</p><p>“Good night, Ben.”</p><p>She got up and moved toward the door. </p><p>“Send me a Patronus when you --“</p><p>“--Get home. I know,” she finished for him. </p><p>“Good night, Rey.”</p><p>Rey didn’t know why she felt so disappointed that he didn’t kiss her. She spent years hating him, thinking he was awful, but she was wrong. He did so many fucked up things and it scared her. It scared her that they were going to be in that world again. What if she lost him and she was all alone? </p><p>She had come to rely on him too much. But what if he didn’t care about her? What if he was only doing this to absolve the guilt of everything the First Order made him do? </p><p>She sighed and sent a quick Patronus with the note “I’m home” and that was it. She’d deal with her feelings another day. </p><p><br/>
⚡️⚡️⚡️</p><p><br/>
It was their final brief with Satine and the rest of the staff. Rey could barely breathe. She was shaking. Ben seemed to notice, because as they walked down the hallway he gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze and gave her a faint smile. </p><p>They reached Satine’s office and sat down before exchanging a glance one more time. </p><p>“Do you have all your things?” Satine asked</p><p>“Yes,” Rey said. </p><p>“Apparate to your apartment any time after 3pm. You’ll have contact at a muggle coffee shop in two weeks time with Ahsoka. If there is an emergency, you can send a Patronus. Please be safe. Ben, you contacted your people?” </p><p>“Yes, I talked to Bazine and Hux. They said Snoke was pleased I went to Hogwarts. They asked if I knew Rey. I said I did, she was a Prefect with me. They asked if she could be sympathetic to the cause. I told them I thought she could be, and that I’d try to bring her with me.”</p><p>Rey nodded. </p><p>“Did Bazine mention...?” Satine started. </p><p>“She did. She asked if I was sleeping with Rey. I told her it was none of her business,” he said. </p><p>Rey tried to hide her surprise. </p><p>“It’s better to keep it vague, especially since you’ll be in the same apartment. If they think you’re together it might buy you more time and gives you a good explanation,” Satine explained. </p><p>“I thought the same thing. That’s why I said it. I knew it make her angry, anyway.”</p><p>“I’m sure it did. Rey, don’t mention too much about your past. Don’t talk about a lot of things. If they ask you what interests you about the First Order I want you to say the potential for power and magical growth. If they ask you if you’re sleeping with Ben, you say it’s none of their business. Let them infer what they want,” Satine instructed. </p><p>“Okay,” Rey said in a small voice that caused Ben to look at her with concern. </p><p>“You both might have to do things you are not comfortable with. I don’t expect you to commit any murders but you may be required to prove your loyalty. This is important. I know it’s scary, and this isn’t my favorite assignment I’ve given an Auror before. I trust you both to make your own decisions and do what is best.”</p><p>Rey’s breath hitched a bit and she felt her heart beating faster. </p><p>“I understand,” Ben said. </p><p>“Go, both of you. Get to the train station and figure out how to take down the First Order. Be careful. Rely on each other.”</p><p>Ben got up immediately and Rey followed. </p><p>The minute they got back to Ben’s apartment Rey bursted out, “when were you going to tell me all these people just assume we’re sleeping together?”</p><p>“I thought Satine would have briefed you. It seems they’ve kept you in the dark about it. I’m sorry, Rey. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”</p><p>“I get it, I just would have liked some warning. I don’t like to be blindsided. It stresses me out,” she confessed. She stopped outside the ministry, trying to remember which way they needed to go.</p><p>Ben hugged her, albeit awkwardly. Like he didn’t know why he was doing it or if she’d want him to. Rey tensed for a moment but then fell into him a bit. </p><p>“You’ll be okay. *We’ll* be okay. Bazine might try to kill you though. She’ll be pissed I’m not sleeping with her anymore. She wasn’t happy when I left,” Ben chuckled slightly, and let go of Rey. </p><p>“So you used to sleep with her?” </p><p>“Yeah, I did.” </p><p>“Oh,” Rey looked a little dejected. </p><p>“Why do you seem sad about that?”</p><p>“I don’t know. It just makes me feel weird that I have to pretend to be sleeping with you when there’s a girl you actually want to sleep with right there,” Rey said softly. </p><p>“I don’t want to sleep with her anymore. Trust me. She’s an awful person. I’ve changed since then.”</p><p>“Okay,” Rey said, mollified slightly. </p><p>“And anyway...” Ben began. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Never mind. It’s...we have to go,” Ben said. </p><p>Rey’s eyes fell a bit. </p><p>“I don’t know if I’m ready,” she said. </p><p>“We’re as ready as we’ll ever be.”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. glory and gore go hand in hand</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>She got up and moved toward the door. </p>
<p>“Send me a Patronus when you --“</p>
<p>“--Get home. I know,” she finished for him. </p>
<p>“Good night, Rey.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: light mention of unhealthy eating habits, notated by double asterisks</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Their apartment in the countryside was spacious, at least. They had their own bedroom and bathroom and for that Rey was grateful. </p>
<p>Ben helped her unpack and told her more about Bazine and Hux. Rey wasn’t sure why she was feeling so jealous about the fact that Bazine had slept with Ben; and was Baz was still in love with him or whatever. From his description, she envisioned a beautiful, talented witch who always got her way. Rey knew she could never compete. And the feelings of wanting Ben to kiss her kept floating through her head. She pushed them aside and tried to focus on Ben’s words.</p>
<p>“We’ll meet them in two days. We can relax for now, and work on Occlumency,” he said. </p>
<p>“Okay,” Rey said. </p>
<p>Her stomach growled and Ben took notice. </p>
<p>“I’ll make us dinner. You haven’t eaten all day and I know how you eat. Sit down,” he told her. </p>
<p>“Thank you,” she replied. </p>
<p>He brought her dinner a little while later, pasta and chicken -- nothing special, but it still meant a lot to her. </p>
<p>“Are you all right?” He asked. </p>
<p>“Just nervous. There’s a lot happening.”</p>
<p>“I know. I’m scared too, but I promise I won’t let Snoke hurt you. I won’t let you go through what I did.”</p>
<p>“I appreciate it, Ben.”</p>
<p>They ate in silence. Rey ate her food so fast Ben looked cautious, sure she might throw up. </p>
<p>**</p>
<p>“Is there anymore?” She asked. </p>
<p>“Yes,” he pointed up to the stove. </p>
<p>She got up and got a second helping. </p>
<p>“The way you eat is impressive,” he said. </p>
<p>“I hate when people comment on the way I eat. I grew up not knowing when I’d get a next meal or if it was going to be edible. It’s like everyone wants me to have a bad relationship with food.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Rey. I didn’t think...”</p>
<p>“It’s okay. Just stop, will you? I get mad at everyone. That’s why people thought I was so mean for a while,” she said. </p>
<p>“I don’t blame you. I understand. It stings when people bring up the things that hurt you,” he sympathized. </p>
<p>“Thank you. And thank you for dinner. You’re a really good cook,” she told him. </p>
<p>**</p>
<p>“My mom refused to let me grow up without learning some skills. Especially the muggle way. I still don’t cook with magic.”</p>
<p>“I always pegged you for a spoiled rich house elf having kid,” she taunted. </p>
<p>“Ah, we did have a house elf. Tried to strangle me when I was like three. My mom sent him to Ilvermorny after that and did everything on her own,” he said. </p>
<p>“A house elf tried to strangle you when you were three? So have you always been an annoying prick and the house elf just couldn’t take it anymore?” She teased. </p>
<p>“Ha, ha, ha. Very funny.”</p>
<p>“It’s just slightly suspicious,” she pushed his arm a little. </p>
<p>“We should work on Occlumency. We don’t know when Snoke will get here and I want you to be prepared,” he said, suddenly more serious. </p>
<p>“Okay,” she said. </p>
<p>He walked over to the couch and got cushions and threw them on the ground. </p>
<p>“In case you fall over. I want you to stay standing this time. We’ve only practiced it with you sitting,” he said. </p>
<p>Rey knew her face couldn’t hide how nervous she was, and to his credit Ben could tell. </p>
<p>“Hey, it’s okay. I’ll try to go easy on you,” he said, rubbing her shoulder. Rey felt her stomach flip at the touch.</p>
<p>“Please don’t. I can handle it.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure?”</p>
<p>“Yes, Ben. I’m sure,” she said and braced herself for what was to come. </p>
<p>He cast Legillimens and Rey felt her mind on fire. She tried to cast a shield charm, but it didn’t work. He pushed farther and harder and she felt memories open up to him -- her jealous of his Patronus at the N.E.W.Ts, her angry with him for ignoring her at training, him telling her about the First Order, him telling her about Bazine -- </p>
<p>And she <em>fell</em>. Ben tried to catch her and it kind of worked. She fell to her knees and he braced her before she fell all the way. He bent down to be level with her. His hands didn’t leave her shoulders.</p>
<p>“Rey, are you okay?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m sorry. I tried.”</p>
<p>“I know. You did well. It was just...just memories of me. It’s okay. When we’re around Snoke you just have to be careful. Don’t think of me. Okay?”</p>
<p>“I won’t. And I’m sorry. Those weren’t...happy memories. I’m sorry,” she blinked away tears and Ben was painfully aware of that fact. </p>
<p>“It’s okay. You’re really bothered by Bazine,” he observed. </p>
<p>“Can we go back to the rule where you can’t ask me about memories?” She asked rather abruptly.</p>
<p>“Oh. Yeah, of course. Do you want help up?” </p>
<p>“I’m fine,” she said and moved his arms from her shoulders. </p>
<p>“Do you want to try again?”</p>
<p>“No, I don’t. I’m sorry, Ben. I just want to be alone,” she said. </p>
<p>“I understand. I’m sorry if I did anything to hurt you.”</p>
<p>“You didn’t, Ben. I promise. It’s not you. I just want to be alone.”</p>
<p>“Okay. I’ll be here if you need anything. If not, I’ll see you in the morning. I’ll make breakfast.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she said. </p>
<p>She laid in bed until she was able to finally fall asleep. She couldn’t help but cry a bit. She never used to let herself cry before. She couldn’t show weakness. But here she was, after months of Ben attacking her mind and leaving her feeling like she was cut open and never healed. She had to cry. </p>
<p>They didn’t talk much the next day. It was a lot of prep -- getting their stories straight, making sure they were prepared if things went south with Bazine and Hux the next day. </p>
<p>“There’s one thing I forgot to mention, Rey. When...when you become Snoke’s apprentice. In the crew, you become a Knight of Ren. It’s a whole thing. You get a new name. I don’t know what they’ll call me tomorrow. But if they call be Kylo Ren don’t be alarmed, okay?”</p>
<p>“Okay, Kylo Ren,” she said with a little smirk. </p>
<p>“I hate it now, you know. I let them take everything from me. Every part of my identity.”</p>
<p>“I know. I’m sorry,” Rey said. </p>
<p>Ben didn’t respond and they fell back into silence. </p>
<p>Ben cooked all their meals and didn’t accept Rey’s offer to help. Rey felt useless and didn’t know how to express that to Ben. She wanted to feel like she was doing something, and instead she was just sitting on a couch sulking all day long. </p>
<p>She couldn’t sleep again. She tossed and turned all night and wished she wasn’t there. She wished she wasn’t a witch at all.</p>
<p><br/>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you ready?” Ben asked. </p>
<p>“As I’ll ever be,” Rey said as they left their flat.</p>
<p>They were meeting Hux and Bazine for lunch at a nearby Wizarding cafe. Rey took some of a calming potion before they left at Ben’s request to calm her nerves. He could tell she was losing it. </p>
<p>They walked into the cafe and Rey felt Ben’s hand on her waist, guiding her. She caught sight of Bazine immediately. She was stunning to say the least. She smirked the second she saw Ben and Rey and came to greet them. She kissed Ben on the cheek and gave Rey a look that could kill. </p>
<p>“This is Rey, who I was telling you about. Rey, this is Bazine,” he introduced them. </p>
<p>“Delighted to meet you, Rey. Let’s sit down,” she led them to the table. </p>
<p>“This is Hux,” Bazine introduced. </p>
<p>“Rey, nice to meet you,” Hux said smoothly. Rey thought he looked so smarmy it almost made her laugh. He seemed like a parody of all the rich Slytherin pure bloods who never spoke to her.</p>
<p>“You as well,” Rey replied. </p>
<p>“What do you want for lunch?” </p>
<p>“We’ll take coffee and two BLTs,” Ben said. </p>
<p>“Ordering for your lady, Kylo? You are always one to dominate,” Bazine teased. </p>
<p>Rey started to turn red. </p>
<p>“Ah, not everyone likes it as rough as you do, Baz,” he threw back at her. Rey swallowed at the use of a nickname, reminding her just how intimate they were. </p>
<p>“If you two are quite done with foreplay at the table, we have important things to discuss,” Hux cleared his throat. </p>
<p>“Of course, Hux. It’s good to see you both in England,” Ben said. </p>
<p>“It’s a little dreary here. Like New York in February. Awful. Don’t know why the Supreme Leader decided this should be his next conquest,” Baz shook her head. </p>
<p>“Come on, Baz. You know why. It’s this girl over here. Too <em>special</em> to pass up he said,” Hux commented snidely. </p>
<p>“The Supreme Leader came to England just for me?” Rey said a little bewilderedly. She felt Ben squeeze her thigh. </p>
<p>“Yes. A supposed muggleborn Slytherin who was top of her class at Hogwarts? She has to be worth something. He wants you as his next apprentice,” Bazine said. </p>
<p>Rey didn’t say anything, but ate her food. </p>
<p>“Rey is incredible with magic. The Supreme Leader will be lucky to have her. And me, if he’ll have me again,” Ben stated. </p>
<p>“He was so angry with you, Kylo. But he knew your uncle manipulated you. Made you forget your place. He said he’d allow you back in the fold if you brought him Rey. And it seems like you’ve delivered so...” Hux gestured toward Rey. </p>
<p>“When will the Supreme Leader get here?” Rey asked. </p>
<p>“Ah, eager to start your training? You have no idea what awaits you...I’m sure Kylo spared you the details of his own training. Wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise,” Baz laughed. </p>
<p>“He didn’t tell me anything.”</p>
<p>“See Kylo, I know you too well,” Baz insisted. </p>
<p>“You do indeed, Baz. For better or for worse.”</p>
<p>Bazine grabbed Ben’s hand across the table. Rey felt her heartbeat increase. </p>
<p>“I think that’s what you told me the last time you fucked me, too,” she replied, in a quiet sultry voice, eyes burying deep into Ben’s soul. </p>
<p>Rey had never wanted to disappear more. She felt Ben’s unoccupied hand on her thigh once more and wished he’d move his hand. Rey couldn’t stand it.</p>
<p>“Enough, you two,” Hux said. </p>
<p>Bazine took her hand away from Ben’s. </p>
<p>“The Supreme Leader will be here in one month. We’ll be leaving for a bit but we’ll be back. We’ll be in contact with you. Don’t leave here and make sure she sticks around,” Bazine said. </p>
<p>“Understood,” Ben nodded. </p>
<p>“Let’s get out of here,” Hux said and left money for the bill. </p>
<p>As they walked out of the cafe down the street they took notice to a group of muggles down the road. </p>
<p>“Ooooh let’s have some fun. What do you say, Kylo? For old time’s sake?” Baz grabbed his hands and begged. </p>
<p>“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Baz. It’s the middle of the day,” Ben said. </p>
<p>“And no one’s around. What? Have you gone soft? Don’t care about messing with muggles anymore?” </p>
<p>“Please, come on,” Ben said. </p>
<p>Baz and Hux lifted their wands, and Ben followed after. Rey knew he realized he didn’t have a choice. He had to prove his loyalty. Rey stood back, unsure what was happening but reminding herself of Satine’s words. </p>
<p>With a non-verbal spell, the three muggles on the street flipped upside down, hanging mid-air by their ankles. Hux and Baz laughed, and Ben did his best to follow. </p>
<p>“This is what your future holds, little Rey. Soon,” Baz said. </p>
<p>“We have to get going, but we’ll see you both soon. And Kylo, maybe we can pick up where we left off?” Baz asked, her eyes wide and intense. </p>
<p>“Ah, Baz...” Ben started. </p>
<p>Baz closed the distance between her and Ben and whispered in his ear, “don’t forget how good I can make you feel,” before biting his ear a little. </p>
<p>“Be in touch. Oh, and happy early birthday, Kylo,” she said to the both of them, more cheery -- and her and Hux disapparated. </p>
<p>“Jesus Christ,” Ben said the second they left. </p>
<p>Rey didn’t say anything. </p>
<p>Ben wordlessly let the muggles go and ran over to obliviate their memories. </p>
<p>“I didn’t think to do that. I feel awful,” Rey said. </p>
<p>“Trust me, not as awful as I feel right now,” Ben looked dejected. </p>
<p>“You did what you had to do. Satine told us we had to,” Rey said. </p>
<p>“Let’s just get home. I can’t...I can’t be in public right now,” he said and disapparated without warning.</p>
<p><br/>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey followed soon after, finding Ben on the couch ripping a paper to shreds. </p>
<p>“Had to get my anger out somehow. This felt like a safe option,” he explained. </p>
<p>“You didn’t...Ben I saw you. You didn’t want to do that. I know you didn’t. That says a lot,” Rey sat down next to him, putting an arm around his shoulder. </p>
<p>He moved away slightly and Rey had to remind herself not to feel so jilted -- he was feeling awful, but there was a small voice in the back of her head telling her to be mad he pulled away from her -- he didn’t pull away from Bazine once. </p>
<p>“I know I had to do it. I know I didn’t want to. It just...it just made me remember all the awful things I <em>did</em> do before. I have so many regrets. But it was successful, and we got the information we needed. I just need to decompress and forget about it.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think that’s a bad thing,” Rey offered. </p>
<p>“I know,” he said. </p>
<p>“Bazine mentioned it’s your birthday soon. When?” She asked.</p>
<p>“November 15th.”</p>
<p>“That’s in a few weeks,” she noted. </p>
<p>“Yes, it is.”</p>
<p>“Were you going to tell me?” </p>
<p>“I don’t care about birthdays, Rey.”</p>
<p>“I’m going to bake you a cake,” she said. </p>
<p>He laughed. </p>
<p>“Okay, Rey. I’ll take a cake.”</p>
<p>Silence fell over them. A tension lingered in the air that Rey knew she was causing.</p>
<p>“I could tell you were uncomfortable with the way Baz and I spoke to each other, and I’m sorry. It was unavoidable, really. I haven’t seen her since I was 18...” Ben trailed off. </p>
<p>“Oh..I...I...It’s...okay. It was just different than I was used to seeing you, that’s all. I was just caught off guard,” Rey stammered.</p>
<p>She wanted to scream and get out of this room. </p>
<p>“Are you jealous of her?” Ben asked pointedly. </p>
<p>Rey’s head went fuzzy. She didn’t know what to tell him -- she couldn’t tell him the truth, which she realized is that she was starting to fall for Ben Solo and maybe have <em>feelings</em> for him. </p>
<p>“As a concept, I guess. She’s beautiful and seemed so confident and said whatever she wanted without consequence. I don’t know...”</p>
<p>“Bazine always gets what she wants. And she is <em>good</em> at everything. And everyone wants to be her. And she was one of the only people in the First Order who’d speak up. She’s unafraid to be herself. I think that’s why I was attracted to her,” Ben explained.</p>
<p>Rey gulped. Rey hated being herself. Ben knew that. Ben saw enough memories to back that up. There’s no way he’d ever choose her over Bazine. It made her heart sink, longing for everything she’d never have. </p>
<p>“You don’t have to explain,” Rey said, finally snapping out of her delusion.</p>
<p>“I wanted to,” Ben said. </p>
<p>“Okay,” Rey said. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry about the comment she said about us. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable if it happens again. Knowing Baz, it will. But I can try to stop it,” Ben said. </p>
<p>Rey put her hand back on his shoulder. He didn’t pull away this time. </p>
<p>“Ben, it’s okay. Remember what Satine said? We can’t deny anything. It’d only hurt us. I have thick enough skin,” Rey said. </p>
<p>Rey knew she was lying -- to herself, to Ben, to everyone. She went through life saying she had thick skin. She wouldn’t have been where she is without it. But in this space, she had to start admitting to herself that maybe her skin was thinner than she’d like when it came to matters about Ben Solo. </p>
<p>“I think you pretend your skin is a lot thicker than it is,” Ben said pushing his arm into her, almost tauntingly. </p>
<p>“You might be right about that,” she confessed. </p>
<p>“I think I want to take a nap. I have a lot to process. Do you want me to make dinner for you for later?” He asked. </p>
<p>“I’m quite capable of cooking for myself, you know?” She said. </p>
<p>“I know, I just feel like I have to take care of you. You shouldn’t be in this mess.”</p>
<p>Rey smiled at him. </p>
<p>“Go take a nap.”</p>
<p><br/>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Three days later they met with Ahsoka at the muggle coffee shop by their apartment. </p>
<p>“Did you meet with them?” </p>
<p>“We did,” Rey said. </p>
<p>“He’ll be here in a month. That’s all they said,” Ben followed. </p>
<p>“Well, if anything changes let me know,” Ahsoka said. </p>
<p>“We will,” Ben told her.</p>
<p>“How are you both doing? I know this can’t be easy, being away from everyone. Satine isn’t easy on anyone, but this is a hard assignment. Mentally and emotionally,” Ahsoka said. </p>
<p>“I’m...I’m getting through it. I wish I could lie to you Ahsoka, but I can’t. It’s very hard,” Rey said, looking ashamed. </p>
<p>“Don’t be ashamed, Rey. It’s a very difficult thing we’re asking of you. You’re young and shouldn’t have to deal with this,” Ahsoka gave her a soft smile. </p>
<p>“Thank you,” Rey said. </p>
<p>“How are you doing, Ben?” Ahsoka asked. </p>
<p>“Seeing Baz was not easy. But I’m okay. I feel bad for Rey, we’ve been working on Occlumency every night to prepare her...it’s not easy on the mind,” Ben said. </p>
<p>“No, it isn’t. But Ben, you don’t allow yourself a lot of space to be understanding of what you’re feeling. You can’t blame yourself for everything bad that happens in the world,” Ahsoka chided. </p>
<p>“I...I don’t do that,” Ben defended. </p>
<p>“Yes you do,” Rey stated. </p>
<p>“Hey!” Ben said. </p>
<p>“Don’t be afraid to feel things. Lean on each other. I’ll see you a week after he gets here. If you need me, you know how to get in touch. Stay safe,” Ahsoka said and left. </p>
<p>“I don’t do that,” Ben said again. </p>
<p>“Don’t kid yourself,” Rey laughed.</p>
<p>The next few weeks passed by slowly and quickly all at once. They worked on Occlumency and Rey got to the point where most of her heavily emotion driven memories with Ben weren’t even popping up. </p>
<p>She lied to herself when she felt the fleeting sadness that there wasn’t anything for him to comfort her over. She missed his touch. She missed hugging him. And God, she wanted to kiss him. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. we're slipping off the course that we prepared</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“I didn’t mean to offend you. I just...you’ve done a lot for me and I don’t want you to feel alone. I want you to feel safe,” Rey felt a little anger rise in her. </p><p>“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped. It just...I don’t do well with people being nice to me,” He regretted what he said and tried to look apologetic.</p><p>“Yes, I’ve figured that out,” Rey said with a little sting. </p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry this is a few days late! i went to the national parks and totally forgot to post before i left. hope you enjoy!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They were eating dinner when Bazine’s Patronus came through the apartment. A mountain lion stalking its prey, Rey felt. </p><p>It came bearing the message that Snoke would be there in two days. She gave a secure location and told Ben to meet them there alone. Rey was not allowed to come yet. Snoke wanted to see Ben alone. </p><p>Ben’s face dropped and he stopped eating almost immediately. </p><p>“Ben?” Rey asked, reaching out an olive branch in a quiet, tender voice. </p><p>Ben came back to reality and practically sprung into action.</p><p>“Rey, if he kills me...if I don’t come back within three days...I want you to run. I want you to go to my mother and have her hide you and protect you. I’ll send her a Patronus. I’m not letting anything bad happen to you. Okay?” Ben said after a moment, more serious than Rey had seen him. There was a vulnerability in the power of his statement. </p><p>Rey tried to hide how scared she was but she knew it was fruitless. </p><p>“I know you’re scared, Rey. I just...you don’t understand what Snoke’s capable of. You don’t understand how mad he was that I left and blocked him from my mind. I don’t know what’s going to happen, and I want you to be prepared.”</p><p>“You’re not going to die, Ben.”</p><p>“I might,” he said solemnly. </p><p>“Please don’t say that. They need you to get to me anyway,” Rey said. </p><p>“They don’t need me for that, Rey. Do not underestimate Snoke’s power and ability.”</p><p>“I’m not...please, Ben. You can’t go into this thinking you’re going to die. You have to have faith we’ll <em>both</em> get out of this,” Rey said. </p><p>Ben said nothing. They sat in silence for a while. </p><p>“You should finish your dinner, Ben. You need to eat.”</p><p>“I can’t. I’m sorry,” Ben replied. </p><p>He got up wordlessly and went to his room and shut the door. </p><p>Rey sighed and cleaned up their dinner. </p><p>She retreated to her room and read until she fell asleep. </p><p> </p><p>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p><p> </p><p>The next night, Rey heard Ben screaming. She leapt out of bed with her wand out and rushed into his room. She cast <em>alohamora</em> and found no intruders -- just Ben thrashing and screaming in his sleep -- a nightmare. </p><p>“Ben!” Rey screamed. He didn’t respond. </p><p>“Ben!” She said again and again. When he finally came to, he just kept repeating “I can’t” and sobbing.</p><p>She climbed on the bed and next to him and held him down, saying his name and telling him it was okay, he was safe, over and over again. </p><p>“Fuck. I’m sorry, Rey. I’m sorry,” he sobbed into her chest. </p><p>“It’s okay, Ben. It was a nightmare. It’s understandable. It’s okay to be scared,” she ran her fingers over her back in circles. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he kept saying. </p><p>“I’ve fucked up so much. He’s going to kill me, Rey. He is. And if he doesn’t...he’s going to torture me until I wish I was dead. I can feel it,” he said. </p><p>“It’s okay, Ben. It’ll be okay. I’m here,” she said. </p><p>She continued rubbing his back until he stopped crying, and he seemed to come to, realizing what was happening. </p><p>“Fuck, I’m sorry if I scared you, Rey. I haven’t had a nightmare in forever...especially one that bad,” Ben pulled away from Rey, looking down and turning red. </p><p>“Don’t be embarrassed and don’t apologize. I’ve had my share of nightmares as well, you know? And you’ve seen like, all my worst memories and I’ve cried in front of you more than I think I’ve cried my whole life. It’s okay,” Rey said in the most soothing voice she could manage. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said. </p><p>“Do you want water?” Rey asked. </p><p>“Yeah, I do. Thank you,” he replied. </p><p>Rey got off his bed and went to the kitchen to grab water. When she returned, he was covering his eyes and crying again. </p><p>“It’s okay, Ben. Drink this,” she handed him the glass and he drank. </p><p>“I’m just fucking scared to go to sleep again. I’m scared to be alone,” he admitted. </p><p>“I’m here,” Rey said. </p><p>“You deserve to sleep as well. I’m sorry I woke you up,” he said, placing the glass on his nightstand and wipes away tears from his eyes. </p><p>“I can...I...” Rey paused. </p><p>“What?” Ben asked quietly. </p><p>Rey knew she could feel her hesitation. She knew she was flying too close to the sun right now. Part of her told her to run away, to go to her own room and let him deal with this on his own. But she couldn’t. </p><p>“I can stay. I can sleep here, if you...”</p><p>“I wouldn’t ask you to sleep in the same bed as me because I’m having <em>nightmares</em>, Rey. I’m not a child,” he snapped.</p><p>“I didn’t mean to offend you. I just...you’ve done a lot for me and I don’t want you to feel alone. I want you to feel safe,” Rey felt a little anger rise in her. </p><p>“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped. It just...I don’t do well with people being nice to me,” He regretted what he said and tried to look apologetic.</p><p>“Yes, I’ve figured that out,” Rey said with a little sting. </p><p>“I...I don’t want to be alone. I’m scared. I...would like you to stay, if the offer is still on the table,” his face was much softer than it had been, with new tears stinging his eyes. </p><p>“It is. Scoot over,” she requested. </p><p>He did as she asked and she crawled in the bed with him, her mind screaming at her to remember that this didn’t mean he liked her the way she liked him. She had to remind herself that this didn’t mean he’d kiss her. </p><p>“Thank you, Rey,” he said, flipping to his side facing away from her. </p><p>“You’re welcome. Try to sleep, Ben. I’ll be here,” she said, facing his back and watching him breathe until she fell asleep herself.</p><p>Rey woke up to find her legs entangled with Ben’s, and his arm draped over her waist. She felt her stomach flip a little at the contact, and extracted herself from the bed before he could wake up and regret everything. He stirred a little, but didn’t wake up. </p><p>She made herself coffee and breakfast and had things ready in case he got up as well. He came into the living room a little while later, looking like hell. </p><p>“Do you want coffee?” Rey asked. </p><p>“I would, thank you. I want to apologize for last night, Rey. I was out of line. I was rude to you and you were just trying to be kind. I’m sorry,” he apologized. </p><p>“It’s okay, Ben. You were traumatized and you have to deal with that today. I understand,” Rey said. </p><p>“You deserve better than to be stuck with me, though. I hope you know that.”</p><p>“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Ben.”</p><p>He shrugged in response. </p><p>“Do you want breakfast?” She asked, handing him the coffee. </p><p>“Yes, thank you. I have to be at Snoke’s at noon.”</p><p>“You have some time. It’s only nine,” she observed. </p><p>“If I don’t come back in three days I want you to go to my mother. I’m serious. I told her. She’ll offer you protection. She’s back at MACUSA now. Don’t trust anyone else,” he said. </p><p>“Okay,” Rey knew better than to argue with him at this point. He needed reassurance, and she’d give it to him. </p><p>“Thank you,” he said. </p><p>They didn’t talk until he had to leave. He got up and grabbed his wand and took a deep breath. Rey stood to meet him. They looked at each other intently. Rey began to wish she could disappear because she was feeling so overwhelmed and she couldn’t imagine what he was feeling. He inhaled a sharp breath and closed the gap between them and drew Rey into a hug. </p><p>She was caught off guard and it took her a minute to melt into him but when she did, she began tracing his back like she did the night before. She felt his heart beat and felt her breath matching his. </p><p>He finally pulled away and she could see he was trying not to cry. </p><p>“Be safe, Rey.”</p><p>“Please come back to me,” she pleaded, angry with herself at how desperate she sounded. </p><p>“I’ll try,” he said and turned on the spot -- disapparating before Rey could take another breath. </p><p>She cried for hours, but she’d never admit it. </p><p> </p><p>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p><p> </p><p>Ben apparated a few blocks away from Snoke’s hideout. He gathered his wits and opened his mind, slightly -- hiding his memories of the Auror program and of Rey -- especially how he woke up this morning with his hand wrapped around her and how much he wanted to do that again. </p><p>He couldn’t let himself get involved with her. She deserved better than someone like him who had done so many awful things and was so broken. She was too kind and had too much potential in her future to be bogged down by his issues. </p><p>He pushed that to the back of his mind as far as he could and prepared himself for the worst as he stepped through the door to Snoke’s safe house. </p><p>Bazine greeted him and kissed his cheek which he returned. He nodded at Hux to acknowledge him and Baz took his hand in hers to lead him to Snoke’s makeshift throne room, what clearly used to be a basement -- transfigured and charmed to all hell to make it look as extravagant as Snoke wanted. </p><p>“Ah, my old apprentice. Come to me. Bazine, take your leave,” Snoke said. </p><p>Bazine looked at Ben and he could tell she felt bad for him -- she must know what was about to happen.</p><p>“It’s been too long, Kylo Ren.”</p><p>“Yes, Master,” Ben replied, and kneeled down. </p><p>“You blocked me from your mind,” Snoke stated. </p><p>“My uncle forced me to utilize Occlumency. They forced me to go to Hogwarts so he could watch me closely. I didn’t have a choice, Master,” Ben said. </p><p>“You always have had a choice, Kylo,” Snoke said. </p><p>“I apologize, Master. I beg for your mercy. I have still been committed to the cause. I even have the muggleborn Slytherin girl ready for you--“</p><p>“--Silence, child. You know I could get to the girl without you. You’ve opened your mind to me, I see that. It’s taken you long enough,” Snoke cut him off.</p><p>“I beg for your mercy, Master,” Ben said again. </p><p>“Ah...I don’t know if mercy is what will work for you, Kylo Ren. I believe we need to resume your training,” Snoke sneered. </p><p>Ben steadied himself and everything turned black. </p><p><br/>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p><p><br/>Rey paced around the apartment for two days, barely able to feed herself or do anything at all. She almost contacted Jessika at least three times, but stopped herself. She had to stay off the grid. </p><p>She didn’t want to think about the fact that tomorrow would be the third day Ben was done -- and if he didn’t return by tomorrow night, she’d have to run and she didn’t know what would happen to her. </p><p>She wanted to throw up. </p><p>It was nearing midnight and there was a knock at her door. She shot off the couch and reached for her wand. She tentatively opened the door -- wand at the ready, and found Baz holding up Ben who looked like a shell of himself -- face bruised and bloody and him barely standing clutching his side. </p><p>“He didn’t want my help. He only asked for you,” Bazine said. </p><p>Rey didn’t break Bazine’s stare, willing herself to look stronger than she felt. </p><p>“You’re both playing with fire, I think. I don’t know what’s happening here but this isn’t the Kylo Ren I knew,” Bazine took her eyes away from Rey to look down at Ben. </p><p>“We’re not playing with fire,” Rey stated in a firm voice.</p><p>“Snoke will see you both in a week. See you then, Rey,” Baz pushed Ben to Rey and Rey stumbled as she caught him. </p><p>“Ben, what happened? Where are you hurt?” Rey tried to keep calm, but she knew she sounded frantic. </p><p>“He resumed my training,” Ben managed to say.</p><p>“Let’s clean your wounds and evaluate. I can make some potions...it’ll be okay. You’re safe now,” Rey said. </p><p>“For now. And he wants me to bring you to him in a week. I can’t do that to you, Rey. I can’t let you end up like this,” he began to cry. </p><p>“Shhhh...it’s okay. We’ll figure it out. Let’s focus on you,” she sat him down at the kitchen counter and ran to grab a washcloth. She wet it and began wiping the blood from his face. </p><p>“Why are you doing this the muggle way?” He asked in a quiet voice. </p><p>“I...I didn’t even think. I just got so flustered trying to make things better. Hold on,” she said and grabbed her wand she had set down. </p><p>She cast a few spells and his face was clean -- she could tell his nose was broken. </p><p>“I can fix your nose,” she said. </p><p>“Do it,” he requested. </p><p>She cast <em>episkey</em> and his nose set. He rubbed it after, groaning a little. Rey took a good look at him, taking stock of his injuries. She had healed his black eye, but there were still dark circles under his eyes that hadn’t been as prominent as before. His eyes looked dark and sad and she felt her heart sink even more. </p><p>“Was that alright?” She asked tentatively. </p><p>“Yes, thank you, Rey.”</p><p>“What else hurts?” She asked. </p><p>“I think my ribs are broken. I don’t know. It hurts like hell.”</p><p>“Can I take off your shirt so I can look?” Rey asked, timid enough. </p><p>Ben winced a little but nodded, sitting up so she had an easier time to grab his shirt. </p><p>Rey pulled off his shirt gingerly, trying not to disturb any of his injuries. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” she said. </p><p>“It’s okay. Thank you,” he looked at her eyes for the first time since he got back. Rey felt exposed. She broke the stare and looked toward his chest. Rey couldn’t help but think about how in shape she was and had to tell herself to get a grip. </p><p>She noticed how many scars laid on his skin and she wanted to hug him again. His ribs were definitely bruised and there were some fresh cuts. </p><p>“Don’t mind the scars. They’re from my past iterations of training.”</p><p>“I can try and heal these cuts. I can’t guarantee they won’t scar as well.”</p><p>“I don’t care about the scars. I’m sorry you have to see them. I’m sorry you have to do this. You don’t deserve this,” he cried. </p><p>“It’s okay, Ben. I’m here to help you. I care about you. I’ll heal the cuts and then I’ll make a potion for the bruises.”</p><p>“I don’t deserve your kindness,” he told her. </p><p>“Yes, you do.”</p><p>She performed the spells to heal the cuts non-verbally and he grasped the table to steady himself as he grimaced. </p><p>After she was done, she squeezed one of his hands and he looked up at her. Rey knew she had an eager look in her eyes and she pulled away to make the potion.</p><p>It didn’t take her long and she brought it back to him. She knelt down in front of him and helped the cup up to his mouth.</p><p>Rey set the cup down on the table to next to him after he finished. Ben grabbed her wrist and she looked up at him. His eyes seemed less sad now, more on fire with an intensity she hadn’t seen before. Ben leaned down and kissed her before she even realized what was happening. </p><p>She felt like her senses were on fire. She kissed him back, trying to match his power, not wanting to hurt him. He leaned in further, deepening the kiss until she felt him wince against her and pull back.</p><p>“Sorry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” Ben said, holding his side. </p><p>“It’s okay, Ben. It’s okay. I’m sorry it hurt you. We can pretend like it didn’t happen,” she said in a quiet voice. She tried not to cry, but she felt the sting of tears. She knew he couldn’t like her -- especially compared to Bazine. Ben just needed her to heal him and that was it.</p><p>“No, no, no. You deserve someone better than me, Rey. I wasn’t thinking,” he said. </p><p>“Ben, I wanted you to kiss me. I have for weeks now.”</p><p>“You have?” He asked, his eyes wide. </p><p>“I have.”</p><p>“<em>That’s</em> why you were jealous of Baz?” He ventured, putting two and two together. </p><p>“Yes,” she said breathlessly. </p><p>“You’ve liked me that long?” He was incredulous. </p><p>“Of course I have,” she said. </p><p>“I....Rey I’ve liked you as well. Somewhere down the line when we were practicing your Occlumency. There’s a reason I asked Baz to take me to you. She could have healed me. I didn’t want her. I haven’t in a long time.”</p><p>“I thought there was no way I could compete with her, especially with your history together.”</p><p>“There’s no competition in my mind. I didn’t think <em>y</em><em>ou</em> would ever like me,” he countered.</p><p>“I thought it was rather obvious, especially when I volunteered to sleep in your bed when you had a nightmare.”</p><p>“I didn’t realize,” he shook his head. </p><p>“You really are the dumbest smart person I’ve ever met,” she teased.</p><p>“I’d try to defend myself but I think you’re right,” he smiled for the first time since he returned. </p><p>“How you got to be Head Boy and the top of the Auror program is beyond me,” she said. </p><p>“I am very good with magic and very book smart. Apparently, I’m oblivious in regards to romance,” He laughed a little and then clasped his side again.</p><p>“Are you alright? Does it still hurt?” Her brows furrowed, concern growing. </p><p>“A bit. When I laugh or move, really. The potion helped but it’s a deep wound,” he said. </p><p>“You should lay down and rest. You look like you haven’t slept in days,” she said. </p><p>“I haven’t,” he replied solemnly. </p><p>“He didn’t let you sleep?” </p><p>“No. That’s one of his favorite tricks, really. You break so much faster when you haven’t slept.”</p><p>“How do you keep up Occlumency when he’s torturing you?”</p><p>“It’s not easy. It’s actually the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do -- which is why I want to make sure this doesn’t happen to you. You couldn’t handle it. No offense,” he hastily added. </p><p>“None taken. I hadn’t even tried Occlumency until what? Three months ago?” </p><p>“And you’re doing remarkably well. I’m just worried about you,” he said. </p><p>“And I’m worried about you,” she replied. </p><p>He smiled at her, taking her hand in his and squeezing. </p><p>“Your birthday is tomorrow, you know?” She asked. </p><p>“I had tried to forget. Birthdays are notoriously not my favorite.”</p><p>“Why?” She asked. Rey had always loved the concept of birthdays and was always jealous growing up -- she never had a proper birthday until she got to Hogwarts. </p><p>“Bad memories growing up. Parents never around, being alone with my toys, the usual.”</p><p>“I’m sorry. I understand,” she said sympathetically.</p><p>“I know you do,” he said, and she knew he was referencing various memories he had seen during her Occlumency training. There was something about the fact that he knew all her darkest secrets and shames without her really knowing <em>what</em> he saw and not talking about them that made Rey shift uncomfortably in her seat. </p><p>“Sorry, I know you didn’t want me to reference anything,” he added. </p><p>“It’s okay. I’m still going to make you a cake at least,” she said. </p><p>“I’d like that,” he smiled at her. </p><p>“Come on, you should get to bed,” she stood up and helped him off the chair. </p><p>“I’m sorry you have to take care of me,” he said. </p><p>“Ben I’ve told you a thousand times, it’s okay. I’m just happy you’re alive,” she replied. </p><p>“Ah, you finally believed he might actually kill me?” He inquired. </p><p>“It had been almost three days. I started to panic,” she admitted. </p><p>“I understand,” he said. </p><p>They reach the bed and she pulled back the covers and began taking off his shoes. </p><p>“I can do that,” he said, reaching down and clearly immediately regretting his decision. </p><p>“Don’t bend over, idiot. Your ribs are broken. Let me do this,” she chastised. </p><p>“You’re bossy,” he sighed. </p><p>“Only when you’re injured,” she countered. </p><p>“Ha. As if. You’re always bossy,” he laughed. </p><p>“I’m not bossy,” she said. </p><p>“You are one of the most stubborn and bossy people I’ve ever met. It’s endearing,” he said. </p><p>“I don’t think many people view it as endearing,” she said with a smile. </p><p>She realized he was still wearing his jeans and that they were still stained with blood. </p><p>“Is it okay...” She gestured toward the top of his fly. </p><p>“I can get it,” he said quickly. </p><p>“Do you need anything else?” She asked. </p><p>“Can I get some water?” He asked. </p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>Rey returned with the water and helped him drink it. When he finished, there was a beat of silence that hung over them. </p><p>“Will you stay?” He asked so quietly Rey thought she might have misheard him. </p><p>“Where else am I going to go? We live in the same apartment, did you forget?” She tried to joke to lighten the mood -- everything felt heavy in the room. </p><p>“No, in my bed. Will you spend the night? I don’t want to be alone,” he confessed. </p><p>Realization dawned on Rey’s face and she reminded herself that for as smart as she was she was <em>also</em> as clueless as him romantically. </p><p>“Yes, of course.” </p><p>Ben pulled back the covers and Rey crawled in next to him. </p><p>“I don’t want to hurt you,” she said. </p><p>“Just try not to touch the left side of my body. That’s what hurts the most,” he said. </p><p>“Okay. Let me know if I hurt you,” she replied. </p><p>He pulled her closer to him and she rest her head on his chest, feeling him breath in and out. </p><p>“Good night, Ben. I’m glad you’re back,” she almost whispered. </p><p>“Good night, Rey. Thank you for taking care of me,” he said and kissed the top of her head before drifting off to sleep. </p><p> </p><p>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p><p><br/>Ben woke up the next day before Rey did. He placed a soft kiss to Rey’s temple and shifted her slightly, able to get out of bed. </p><p>He groaned when he tried to sit up and looked toward Rey to make sure he didn’t wake her up. She didn’t move and he leveraged his way off of the bed. </p><p>He made his way to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror for a long time, taking stock of his injuries and how broken he looked. Rey was right, the dark circles under his eyes were awful. His skin looked almost grey and everything hurt. He made a mental note to ask Rey to make him another potion to help. </p><p>Ben heard Rey stirring in his bedroom and he made his way back to the bedroom. </p><p>“I was hoping I’d wake up before you so I could bring you breakfast. Happy birthday, Ben,” she said. </p><p>“It’s okay, thank you,” he replied, the corners of his mouth upturning in a gentle smile. </p><p>“Do you want breakfast? Are you hungry?” Rey got off the bed and made her way toward him. </p><p>“I’m starving. And can you make another of those potions you did last night? It helped for a while and it hurts like hell again,” he said. </p><p>“Of course,” she replied and went to the kitchen to get to work. </p><p>“I can help cook,” he offered. </p><p>“Sit down. Or lay down. Whatever feels best,” she said with a stern voice. </p><p>“Fine,” he said. </p><p>She brought him breakfast and kissed his cheek. </p><p>“Brought you a pumpkin juice as well,” she said.</p><p>“Thank you,” he said, kissing her on the lips softly before pulling back, “I wasn’t sure last night was real or not.”</p><p>“It was,” she replied.</p><p>“Rey, I’m not going to let Snoke touch you. I won’t.”</p><p>“I trust you,” she said. </p><p>“I should contact Baz. Smooth things over with her. She seemed suspicious,” he said. </p><p>“That’s probably a good idea,” she said. </p><p>Ben sent a Patronus to Baz and she sent one back -- asking to meet him for lunch. </p><p>“You should go. It would be even more suspicious if you didn’t,” she reasoned. </p><p>Ben finished the potion Rey gave him and headed out. </p><p>“I’ll be back. Thank you for the breakfast,” he said, pulling her into a hug. </p><p>Rey made sure she didn’t lay her hands on his waist and hugged him back lightly. </p><p>“Be safe,” she told him. </p><p>“Baz would never hurt me,” he said. </p><p><br/>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p><p><br/>Ben made it to the restaurant and spotted Baz immediately. </p><p>He made his way over to her slowly, trying not to aggravate any of his injuries.</p><p>“Happy birthday, Kylo. I ordered you food,” she said, planting a lingering kiss on his cheek.</p><p>“Thank you, Baz,” he pulled away and sat across from her. </p><p>“How are you feeling today?” She asked. </p><p>“I’ve been better. I’ve been worse,” he shrugged. He began to pick at the food she ordered.</p><p>“I’ve seen you worse,” she pointed out. </p><p>“I know you have.”</p><p>“He could have done worse. You left us,” she said. </p><p>“I didn’t have a choice, Baz. You saw how Luke got me out of there. All the rumors were everyone had died or everyone had been dispersed. I couldn’t do anything,” he defended.</p><p>“Some people are saying you left the Order because you didn’t believe it anymore. Some people don’t trust you now. They think you’re working for your mom or something,” she told him. </p><p>“And what do you think about me, Baz?” </p><p>“I don’t know anymore, Kylo. Why did you want Rey to help you so much last night? Especially when you know I was more than capable.”</p><p>“I like her, Baz.”</p><p>“Oh shit, you really are fucking her?” </p><p>“I haven’t had sex with her yet,” he said. </p><p>“But you want to?” She inquired. </p><p>“Yes,” he admitted. </p><p>“She seems a little boring and too ‘needs to be in control’ for you,” she said.</p><p>“Maybe I need that right now,” he challenged.</p><p>Baz scoffed. </p><p>“Maybe you do,” she smirked. </p><p>“So what do you think? Am I for real?”</p><p>“You’ve given me no reason to think you’re lying to me. I asked you to come here to make sure you’re okay. Do you trust Rey?” She asked pointedly. </p><p>“I do. I trust her,” he affirmed. </p><p>“Good enough for me.”</p><p>“Do you know what his plan is for her?” He asked tentatively. </p><p>“You don’t want her to get hurt like you did?”</p><p>“I think it’s an unfair ask,” he said. </p><p>“I think so as well. From what I gather, he won’t. At least at first,” she added a little hastily. </p><p>“Do you think she’s really not a muggleborn?” He asked. </p><p>“How many muggleborn Slytherins do you know?” She retorted. </p><p>“None,” he said after a moment. </p><p>She shrugged and gave him a knowing grin. </p><p>“I won’t keep you long. I just wanted to see if you were okay. I still care about you, you know?” </p><p>“I know you do. In your own twisted way,” he said. </p><p>“Have fun with Rey. Happy birthday, Kylo,” Baz told him as she started to leave the table.</p><p>“Thanks, Baz,” he said as he got up and she kissed him on the cheek before walking out. </p><p><br/>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p><p><br/>“How was it?” Rey asked the second Ben came back to the apartment. </p><p>“She told me some people think I’m working for my mom. That they don’t trust me. I quelled her fears though, I think.”</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“Yeah, she was mostly confused because of you,” he shrugged as he sat down on the couch and clutched his side again. </p><p>Rey looked up at him and realized that fuck, maybe Baz was jealous of <em>her</em> too. She felt like she was floating almost. </p><p>“Are you in pain still?”</p><p>“A bit. Not as bad, though,” he replied. </p><p>“I’m sorry. I’ll make another potion,” she said, getting up and moving to to the kitchen. </p><p>“It’s okay. Rey, I want to prep you for what you might experience with Snoke. I am going to try like hell to protect you but if he separates us I want you to be safe on your own.”</p><p>“Okay,” Rey gulped slightly, trying to steady her breath and heart rate. </p><p>“He might torture you. I’m hopeful he won’t because he’s so fascinated by you and this will be your first time meeting him, but I never know what kind of a mood he’s in. I can almost guarantee he’ll ask you to mess with a muggle as a show of loyalty, though. <em>Levicorpus</em>, probably -- like Hux and Baz and I did after we met the first time. I know you don’t want to do this. I know it’s awful. But you’re going to have to do whatever he asks to show loyalty. If you don’t, he’ll kill you on the spot,” Ben’s face was stone. Rey felt like she was holding her breath the entire time he spoke. </p><p>“I understand,” was all she managed to say. </p><p>“Rey...” Ben began. </p><p>“I understand, Ben,” she affirmed. </p><p>“He might torture me in front of you. Do not react. Do not try to help me. Okay?” </p><p>“Okay,” Rey said, beginning to dissociate a bit -- she regretted all of her choices leading up to this. She regretted Hogwarts, she regretted becoming an Auror, and she regretted beginning to care about Ben. Everything was so complicated and she felt like she couldn’t handle it anymore.</p><p>“Are you okay?” He asked after a moment. </p><p>“I’m fine. Just processing,” she replied. </p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>“Not really, no. I’m sorry,” she said. </p><p>“It’s okay. I understand. You know I do,” he said, getting up from the couch to cross to the kitchen, pulling her close and kissing her. </p><p>After a few minutes Rey pulled back. </p><p>“Sorry,” she apologized. </p><p>“Don’t worry. I understand,” he said.</p><p>She wiped tears away and turned around to finish the potion. </p><p>“Here,” she said, pouring it into a glass for him. </p><p>“Thank you,” he replied. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. now we're in the ring and we're coming for blood</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“You had no choice. We’re doing what we were told to do,” he said. </p>
<p>“What if it’s wrong? What if this is the wrong thing to do? What if we’re just making everything worse? What if we’re just making Snoke stronger?”</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey woke up first the morning they went to Snoke together. She actually wasn’t sure if she slept at all. She couldn’t stop thinking about all the possibilities of what was going to happen to her. She considered running away more times than she’d like to admit. </p>
<p>Rey couldn’t bring herself to really speak while they got ready. She couldn’t bring herself to do much of anything, because she knew if she thought about it for longer than a few minutes she’d have apparated away without a second thought. She thought that Ben recognized that, too -- and to his credit he didn’t say anything. </p>
<p>They hugged for what Rey felt like was hours before they left with Ben planting a light kiss on her forehead and telling her it would be okay. He would be there for her as much as he could. </p>
<p>When they reached Snoke’s hideout, Rey took a deep inhale before walking through the doors, steadying herself. </p>
<p>Baz greeted them at the door and let them in, “Snoke will see you immediately,” and gestured toward the stairs that led to Snoke’s makeshift throne room. </p>
<p>Ben put his hand on the small of Rey’s back, a silent comfort. </p>
<p>Rey was taken aback when she saw Snoke -- he looked only partially human. The dark magic had transformed him into being so creature like it terrified her. </p>
<p>“Ah...Rey Solana...I’ve heard many stories about you,” Snoke said. </p>
<p>Rey said nothing, but nodded. </p>
<p>“You are said to be capable of incredible magic, and a muggleborn Slytherin...almost unheard of,” he continued. </p>
<p>“Yes,” she said in a quiet voice. </p>
<p>“I’m glad our young Kylo Ren here could bring you to me,” he said. </p>
<p>“Of course, Master,” Ben said. </p>
<p>“Bazine told me he told you about the First Order and you expressed interest,” Snoke said. </p>
<p>“Yes,” she said once again. </p>
<p>“Is that all you’re capable of saying?” He asked. </p>
<p>“No. I’m sorry,” she said quickly. </p>
<p>“Kylo Ren, take your leave. I wish to speak with Rey alone,” Snoke commanded. </p>
<p>Ben hesitated. He looked at Snoke and to Rey. Rey looked at Ben, pleading with him not to leave her alone. </p>
<p>“I sense your hesitation. I simply wish to speak with her. I will not begin her training quite yet,” Snoke affirmed. </p>
<p>Ben looked at Rey again -- it felt like the world stopped for a moment. Rey prepared herself for what was to come, nodded at Ben and he left. </p>
<p>“Come closer,” Snoke requested. </p>
<p>Rey took a few slow steps forward. </p>
<p>“You did well at Hogwarts, didn’t you?” He asked. </p>
<p>“I did,” she replied. </p>
<p>“And a muggleborn Slytherin...almost unheard of.”</p>
<p>“I was told there were others besides me in history,” Rey countered. </p>
<p>“Of course,” Snoke said. </p>
<p>Rey felt him prod at her mind. She tried to steady herself and keep her walls up, but he pushed too far. She felt him gain access to surface level memories -- just some from early Hogwarts, nothing critical -- but the intrusion was too much and she collapsed on the ground. </p>
<p>“Weaker than I thought,” Snoke sneered. </p>
<p>Rey didn’t speak. </p>
<p>“Get up,” he commanded. Rey pulled herself up, still silent. </p>
<p>“Your mind might be weak but you are capable of extraordinary magic. We’ll work on your mind in training. In two weeks we’ll be going to Diagon Alley to make our presence in Europe heard. You’ll be there.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” she replied. </p>
<p>“You’ll have to prove yourself there. I cannot trust you yet. Show your loyalty to us in the next two weeks and at the next First Order meeting, I might let you stay and begin training.”</p>
<p>Rey nodded. </p>
<p>“Leave,” he said. </p>
<p>She didn’t waste anytime, and nearly ran up the stairs and out the door. </p>
<p>Ben was waiting for her, and it took everything in her not to run into his arms. She thought he might be thinking the same thing from the look on his face. </p>
<p>“Come on, let’s go get a coffee,” Bazine said as Rey walked into the living room.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Ben replied and they left the house, leaving Rey able to really breathe for the first time in hours. </p>
<p>They passed by a small group of obvious muggles and Bazine looked at Ben and Rey with an almost treacherous look in her eye. </p>
<p>“Let’s have some fun,” Baz said. </p>
<p>“Come on, Baz. It’s been a long day. Let’s just get to the coffee shop and call it a day,” Ben requested. </p>
<p>“It’s things like that that are making people question your loyalty, Kylo. Rey, now that you’re a part of us or whatever, why don’t you have first crack at it?” Baz asked. </p>
<p>Rey did her best to hide her disgust and shame and non-verbally cast<em> levicorpus</em> and one of the muggles hung upside down. Baz and Ben cast the spell after her. </p>
<p>“She’s good,” Baz commented toward Ben as they continued on. </p>
<p>“I know,” Ben replied. </p>
<p>Ben shot Rey a sympathetic look and she never wanted to hold his hand more than in that moment. When they left the coffee shop, Baz went back to Snoke’s hideout and Ben and Rey made their way back to the muggles, letting them down and obliviating their memory. </p>
<p><br/>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I feel awful,” Rey said hours into them sitting in silence at their apartment, with Rey dissociating as best she could.</p>
<p>“I know, I’m sorry,” Ben said, hugging her tightly. </p>
<p>“I didn’t want to do that. I never would. I had no choice though. We’d have been found out...and after the comment she made about you. I felt like I had to,” Rey said, almost in a trance. </p>
<p>“You had no choice. We’re doing what we were told to do,” he said. </p>
<p>“What if it’s wrong? What if this is the wrong thing to do? What if we’re just making everything worse? What if we’re just making Snoke stronger? What if the Auror Department is wrong?” Rey rambled on and Ben let her until he could tell she was done. </p>
<p>“I can’t lie to you and tell you I haven’t had the same thought. Hell, during training I almost quit many times. I don’t trust the Ministry or Aurors as an institution, and every day we’re here I’ve been asking myself <em>why</em> I joined. I hate being a part of this. Sometimes I think the Aurors might be just as bad as Snoke,” he said, and Rey could tell he said it without thinking because his eyes started to look a little panicked. </p>
<p>“I agree with you, Ben. Don’t panic,” she said. </p>
<p>“Aurors don’t do as much good as I thought they did. Or anyone, really. It’s all just fucking propaganda isn’t it?” He asked. </p>
<p>“Yes,” she replied. </p>
<p>“It’s fucked up. We shouldn’t have to do this. We shouldn’t have to torture muggles just to get intel on someone for the Aurors. How much can they help anyway?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t realize how unfair of an ask everything was that Satine said,” Rey said quietly. </p>
<p>“I know. And I think she realizes that, too. I don’t know if I can do this. I’m spiraling. Baz told me about what they have planned for Diagon Alley -- I can’t be a part of it. I’m going to tell Ahsoka I’m out when we see her next,” Ben said, his voice shaking. </p>
<p>Rey didn’t say anything. </p>
<p>“I hope you’ll do the same,” he added. </p>
<p>“What will happen to us? What if the Aurors force us somehow? What if Snoke finds me? He got into my mind, Ben. What if he’s somehow in there permanently like he was with you--“ Rey became a little frantic and Ben put his hands on her shoulders, leaning down so their eyes were level. </p>
<p>“Hey, hey. Stop. What do you mean he got into your mind?” Ben asked fearfully, but trying to remain calm enough so Rey would explain. </p>
<p>“He got into my mind. I wasn’t strong enough. He didn’t see anything about...us or Satine or anything. Just early Hogwarts memories. I don’t know why. I couldn’t do it. I collapsed on the floor. It was...painful. Even more so than when you were in my mind. It felt like I was on fire,” she said in a small voice, avoiding eye contact. </p>
<p>“He just breeched your mind for that moment. You’d know if he was in there the whole time. Trust me. You’d be able to feel his presence constantly. You’re okay,” he hugged her. </p>
<p>“That doesn’t solve the issue of if we leave the Aurors. What happens to us?” She pulled away. </p>
<p>“We’ll go to America. We’ll go to my mom.”</p>
<p>“Can they protect us from Snoke forever?”</p>
<p>“Not forever, I don’t think. I think he’ll always end up finding us. But it will buy us more time to figure out how to defeat him. And I don’t care what Ahsoka or Satine or anyone wants -- I’m not letting him train you Rey. You know as well as I do that that means he’s going to torture you for sport until you break.”</p>
<p>“I won’t survive it, Ben.”</p>
<p>“You’d survive it. You’re strong enough. You’d just...lose yourself in the process. Like I did,” he said sadly. </p>
<p>“I think you found yourself again, though. I don’t think Kylo Ren would call the Aurors and First Order both essentially the same thing and both harming people. I think only Ben Solo would say that.”</p>
<p>“That’s very kind, Rey. It doesn’t atone for the fact that I’ve done terrible things.”</p>
<p>“When are you going to let yourself live? You can’t blame yourself forever. I think you’ve made enough amends. I know I can’t absolve you, but you should think about giving yourself deliverance,” she said. </p>
<p>“Maybe one day,” he joked in a small voice. </p>
<p>“I hope so,” she encouraged. </p>
<p>He leaned down and kissed her, gently and almost like an apology for everything. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he said against her lips. </p>
<p>“For what?”</p>
<p>“Snoke. Dragging you into this. Everything,” he whispered. </p>
<p>“You didn’t drag me. Snoke knew about me already. We both signed up for the Auror Program because we thought we’d be doing good. We both were wrong. And I think I’d already be dead without you by my side,” she replied. </p>
<p>He kissed her, more passionately this time. </p>
<p>“I would be, too,” he said, grasping her hand and leading her toward his bedroom. </p>
<p>“Ben...” She began to say. </p>
<p>“What?” He asked, his brows furrowing a bit and concern on his face.</p>
<p>“What are we doing? Are we okay to be doing this right now?” She asked, intentionally vague. She knew what they were about to do, and she knew she wanted it, but she didn’t know what the endgame was, and if they were even in the right headspace to do this. </p>
<p>“I think you know what we’re doing. And I don’t know about you, but I could really use the time to stop thinking about how fucked up everything is and focus on how much I like you and how I want to kiss you,” he replied, his eyes turning a little dark in a tantalizing way. </p>
<p>“Is this going to go away once we’re out of here?” She barely recognized the timid voice that came out of her mouth. </p>
<p>He kissed her, languid and light -- pulling away and brushing her hair out of her face.</p>
<p>“No,” he said. </p>
<p>“We hated each other. We had nothing in common. We fought all of the time. What if this was just some weird bubble we’re in because we’re just sharing this traumatic experience?” </p>
<p>“I haven’t hated you for a long time. In fact, I remember telling you I never did. I won’t disappear on you. I promise,” he said, placing a hand around her neck as he kissed her again.</p>
<p>She returned the kiss this time and was the one to open his lips and explore his mouth. Rey wanted to devour him and Ben would let her have whatever she wanted. </p>
<p>Ben moved them toward the bedroom as they began pulling clothes off each other, letting the clothes fall wherever in their wake. They grasped at each others bodies and couldn’t get enough. </p>
<p>Ben pushed Rey onto the bed, positioning himself on top of her.  He pulled back for a moment, and Rey felt his eyes burn into her body. He reached under her and unhooked her bra, leaving her only in her underwear. </p>
<p>He kissed her neck, grazing and tasting every inch of her body. Her hands were in his hair, on his back, everywhere she could. He laid kisses down her collarbone until he reached her breasts, and she shivered slightly when she felt his tongue run over her nipples. </p>
<p>He began to move down her body with kisses once more, sliding her underwear down and tossed them off the bed.</p>
<p>He continued laying kisses around her inner thighs, getting dangerously close but never giving in until Rey heard herself begging him. </p>
<p>“So impatient,” he said and Rey felt his smile against her skin. </p>
<p>“Please,” she whispered again. </p>
<p>He finally gave in and Rey felt his tongue skim her folds and her hips instinctively bucked up. Ben put a firm hand on her abdomen. </p>
<p>“Stay still,” he commanded and Rey whimpered. </p>
<p>His tongue flicked over her clit and she moaned his name. He continued his ministrations and slid two fingers insider her, causing her to moan and push into him again. </p>
<p>Rey grasped for his hair and tugged, encouraging him to move faster and harder until he pushed her over the edge. She climaxed and her entire body felt alive and on fire and Ben continued to lick her throughout her aftershocks, making her squirm. </p>
<p>“Fuck,” she breathed after and Ben kissed her on the mouth. Rey relished in the taste of herself on his tongue. </p>
<p>Rey broke the kiss after a moment, laying kisses down his body like he had done to her. She reached for his cock and began stroking him, encouraged by the groans he couldn’t contain. </p>
<p>He pushed her off for a moment, standing up and pushing her to her knees on the ground. It took Rey’s brain a moment to catch up to what he wanted her to do.</p>
<p>She took him in her mouth and Ben lost himself, fucking her mouth hard and holding her hair tight. Rey was lost in Ben as much as he was lost in himself. When he said he was going to cum, she didn’t move -- feeling his cum down her throat and relishing in the taste of him. </p>
<p>“Rey...” he said as he sat down on the bed, stroking her hair. </p>
<p>“I don’t regret it,” she said.</p>
<p>“Me either,” he replied.</p>
<p>Ben turned toward the nightstand and looked at the clock and saw it read 12:23 AM. </p>
<p>“We should go to bed. We have to meet Ahsoka in the morning,” he said. </p>
<p>“You’re right,” she said. </p>
<p>“Will you stay the night with me?” Ben asked. Rey nodded and felt almost amused by the situation.</p>
<p><br/>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p>
<p><br/>The next morning they laid in bed, with Rey telling Ben a story from 5th year. She mentioned Ezra Bridger, and Rey could tell Ben was reminded of the memory he saw of Rey kissing Ezra. </p>
<p>“You know, I don’t think I want to know if you had sex with that fucking Gryffindor Ezra because I don’t think I’d let you live that bad decision down,” Ben teased. </p>
<p>“Says the man who slept with <em>Bazine</em>,” she retorted. </p>
<p>“Fair enough,” he acquiesced. </p>
<p>“It’s none of your business anyway. You aren’t even supposed to mention memories you saw during those lessons, you know?” </p>
<p>“I didn’t mention the memory. I just said if you had sex with him I wouldn’t let you live it down,” he replied in a joking tone. </p>
<p>“Semantics,” she waved him off. </p>
<p>“Come on, we have to get ready,” he said, rolling out of bed. </p>
<p>“What if we just don’t go?” Rey asked. </p>
<p>“I think they’d think that was rather suspicious.”</p>
<p>“You’re right,” she resigned and followed him, brushing her teeth with a blank stare. </p>
<p>“Rey, it’s all right,” he told her, and she snapped out of the stare. </p>
<p>“Right,” she said, “it’s going to be okay.” She knew Ben could tell that she was trying to convince herself. </p>
<p>They met Ahsoka at the same cafe as before. Ben and Rey made the conscious decision to make sure not to hold hands or be affectionate. They wouldn’t let her blame their decision on the fact that they had feelings for each other. </p>
<p>They watched Ahsoka walk in and she sat across from them without much fanfare. </p>
<p>“So...” She asked. </p>
<p>“They’ll be doing something at Diagon Alley in two weeks. Unsure what. Bazine just told me that ‘it’ll make their presence known’,” Ben told her. </p>
<p>“Anything else?” </p>
<p>“He’s in a house off of Charing Cross Road. Unplottable.”</p>
<p>“Did he speak to you, Rey?” Ahsoka inquired. </p>
<p>“He did. He got into my mind, sort of. Just saw early Hogwarts memories. Nothing important. He didn’t breech it, like he had with Ben. He told me I was weak and needed to prove myself. I’m more concerned that he was torturing Ben for days,” Rey had a hard time looking Ahsoka in the eye. </p>
<p>“I think that was to be expected,” Ahsoka said. </p>
<p>“Oh,” Rey was taken aback. </p>
<p>“It’s not a bad thing, Rey. You’re young and vulnerable. We expect small things like that to occur. As far as Ben goes, well...we all knew the risks,” she sighed. </p>
<p>“You can’t really be saying that,” Rey said fiercely. </p>
<p>“We knew what he had done. He knew what he was getting himself into.”</p>
<p>“But you can’t sit back and just let him be <em>tortured</em> again, it’s inhumane,” Rey was indignant. </p>
<p>“I don’t like it, either. This is what we signed up for,” Ahsoka said in an even tone, like she expected Rey to react like this. It felt almost rehearsed.</p>
<p>Rey looked over to Ben and saw him looking down, his anger radiating. </p>
<p>“Is there anything else?” Ahsoka asked. </p>
<p>Rey hesitated. She looked toward Ben again. He pulled his head up, his eyes on fire. </p>
<p>“There is. We’re not...we’re not doing this anymore. We’re not working for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. We don’t agree with any of this. We can’t sit by and do terrible things any longer,” Ben’s voice shook but he tried to steady himself. </p>
<p>“You can’t just quit,” Ahsoka’s face grew hard as stone. </p>
<p>“We can. We are,” Rey said, firm. </p>
<p>“I don’t care that you don’t care what happens to me. I deserve it, absolutely. But I won’t stand by and let Rey get hurt just because you think you need more intel,” Ben resisted the urge to reach for Rey’s hand or touch her in any way. </p>
<p>“They won’t let you quit like this, in the middle of a mission.  Satine will fight for you, I know that. She’s not a monster. But the Wizengamot...They’ll say it’s treason, you’ll end up in Azkaban,” Ahsoka told them. </p>
<p>“Do you really think they’d spend their time putting us in Azkaban rather than Snoke and the First Order?” Rey asked. </p>
<p>“Maybe not you, Rey. But Ben…” Ahsoka trailed off. </p>
<p>“I’ll handle it,” Ben said, more directed at Rey than anything. </p>
<p>“I don’t disagree with you. I don’t love it here either, I told you. But I don’t have a lot of choices and neither do you, really.”</p>
<p>“I can’t do this anymore,” Rey felt the tears stuck in her eye, but she wouldn’t let them fall. </p>
<p>“You’ve had a long few days. Take a break. I’ll see you in two weeks. If you need anything, let me know.”</p>
<p>Rey moved to speak but Ben looked at her, casting her a glance that almost <em>pleaded</em> with her to stop. </p>
<p>Ahsoka left without saying anything else, and Rey could hardly contain her anger. </p>
<p>“What the hell are we supposed to do?” She asked, exasperated and feeling more alone and deceived than ever before. </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hi friends! my work schedule has changed and now my weekends are sunday/monday so expect updates one of those two days. i have about 10 chapters of like a long form canonverse fic that's basically my episode 9 that i'll start uploading soon! i'm also working on a mr and mrs smith AU. for updates follow me on tumblr at myhandsdontscan (i'm not rly that active except to post updates haha but i'm there!)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. secretly they're saviors</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“I understand what I have to do,” he said plainly. </p>
<p>Rey refused to sob or lose composure past what she already had. She wasn’t sure what Ben was thinking, but she had to believe he’d protect her. </p>
<p>“Do what you must,” Snoke commanded. </p>
<p>Rey watched as Ben raised his wand, aiming it at her. </p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>content warning for canon typical violence in harry potter (crucio charm, etc). nothing too graphic but just wanted to give a heads up. there's also two sex scenes, one is a flashback and rougher than the first!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“They won’t throw you in Azkaban,” Rey said the moment they got back to their apartment. She felt like she was on *fire* and full of resentment toward the Aurors, Hogwarts, and magic in general. </p>
<p>What would her life have looked like if she couldn’t do magic? If she was just a muggle? Would she be happier? It felt almost pointless to examine what ifs at this point. She realized that most decisions  made for her, starting at a young age when her magic began to present itself. </p>
<p>Even at Hogwarts, everything was decided for her. She even became an Auror because of the career counseling offered in 5th year -- it was the main thing her head of house pushed toward her, and she didn’t think of anything else. She didn’t really know anything else. She hadn’t really made any informed decisions and now that she was faced with them -- she wanted to burn this shit to the ground. </p>
<p>“Rey, they might. I’m not concerned about them right now. We need a plan for how we’re going to get out of this godforsaken country and far away from Snoke,” he said, placing his hands on her shoulders, clearly trying to soothe her. </p>
<p>“I cannot believe this is happening. I cannot deal with this. You <em>should</em> be concerned,” Her pulse rose again, unable to contain her rage. </p>
<p>“I can tell you’re seething. I can practically feel your contempt for everything and trust me, I understand that. I am on your side. I have been for a while now. Let me think through a solution, but I have to know why you’re <em>so </em>angry about everything right now. You’re angrier than I am and that’s not usually how it goes,” Ben said, pulling away from her slightly, looking at her face and scanning it for answers. </p>
<p>Rey paused -- unsure how to tell him what she was feeling. </p>
<p>“I’ve never decided anything for myself, really. Every decision has just...been handed to me. And I hate it. I want it all to fall. I want to make a decision. Even if it ends up being the wrong one. I want to be the one to make it. I’ve put so much effort into succeeding for other people. I want to do it for myself.”</p>
<p>Rey felt resolute. She thought back to the first day at Hogwarts -- hearing what the sorting hat had to say about Slytherin house -- cunning and ambition mattered the most to them. She’d outwit Snoke, the First Order, and the Ministry. She had enough ambition to get by. </p>
<p>“Even if I never use magic again. I don’t even care. I just want to live my life,” she continued. </p>
<p>“Snoke got in my head and made so many decisions for me. And then Luke got me out and made more. And the Ministry...I understand why you’re angry, Rey,” Ben was quiet. Contemplative and processing everything Rey said and everything they had to do to survive. </p>
<p>“What are we going to do?” She asked, looking like she was beginning to give up. </p>
<p>“I have some thoughts. I need to think about things, form a solid plan. Give me a few days. We don’t have to be at Snoke’s for four days. We’ll have a plan then. I don’t want to do anything without thinking it through. Trust me, I’ve done it before and it’s not going to work,” he had a slight grin on his face, running his fingers anxiously through his hair. </p>
<p>“You’re such a Ravenclaw,” Rey rolled her eyes. </p>
<p>“Is that supposed to be an insult?”</p>
<p>“Maybe. But you know it’s true,” she smiled at him, knowing she was taunting him. </p>
<p>“I didn’t used to be good at it. I always thought it was crazy that we were sorted so young. I feel like things change so much. But by the time I made it to Hogwarts I was *definitely* a Ravenclaw.”</p>
<p>“Sometimes I didn’t think I was a Slytherin, but I think I’ve been one all along,” she shrugged. </p>
<p>“I don’t think being a Slytherin is a bad thing like everyone says. And I don’t think being a Hufflepuff makes you a loser, either. Houses mean much less at Ilvermorny. I wish Hogwarts would put less stock in them,” he sighed. </p>
<p>“I agree,” she said. </p>
<p>“Are you hungry? You didn’t eat much this morning. I can make you something,” he offered. </p>
<p>“Oh, I am actually, now that you mention it.”</p>
<p>“I’ll make something. Sit down,” he requested. </p>
<p>She brushed past him to make her way to the couch, her hands floating past his waist. He pulled her arm and kept her close, pressing a kiss to her cheek. </p>
<p>“We’ll be okay. I told you you weren’t alone, Rey. And I meant it,” he said against her cheek. </p>
<p>“I realize that, Ben. Thank you for everything,” she replied. </p>
<p>It took Ben a little over a day to come up with a plan they both agreed upon -- </p>
<p>They’d go to the next meeting with Snoke. They’d act their part. They’d plan to go to the Diagon Alley meeting but never show up. They’d send a Patronus to Ahsoka and Satine, letting them know final details and telling them they’d be leaving. They’d go to America -- he had been in contact with his mom (as much as it killed him to do so), and she’d help them. She told them she’d help them as much as they could, but they might have to live in the muggle world for a while. They said that was fine. </p>
<p>They had to believe it would work. </p>
<p>Rey figured if Ben had been honest with her months ago about what happened to him during his time with the First Order, she should be honest about her home life.</p>
<p>Laying in bed one night, she told him about everything she felt she could say. He held her tight, offering light kisses to the top of her head and stroking her back, encouraging her to continue. </p>
<p>“I just don’t want to go back to that,” she finished. </p>
<p>“You won’t,” he wiped his thumb over her cheek and held her until she fell asleep. </p>
<p><br/>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are we going to talk about…” Ben started, but trailed off. His face burned red. </p>
<p>“What?” </p>
<p>“You know,” he replied.</p>
<p>Rey enjoyed making him squirm. He looked *so embarrassed*, but she knew it wasn’t because he regretted anything. If anything, it seemed like he was worried she regretted something.</p>
<p>“We kissed,” Rey said matter-of-factly, smirking a little at Ben. </p>
<p>“...and more,” he added. </p>
<p>“And more,” she confirmed. </p>
<p>“So…” he prompted. </p>
<p>“What did you want to talk about?” She asked. </p>
<p>“Do you regret it?” Ben looked apprehensive.</p>
<p>“No. Do you?” </p>
<p>“Not at all. I was just worried you --” </p>
<p>Rey cut him off. </p>
<p>“I don’t regret anything we did. I promise. I wanted that to happen. For longer than I realized, I think,” she said. </p>
<p>“Okay,” he breathed a sigh of relief. </p>
<p>Rey smiled at him and felt her face practically glowing. </p>
<p>“Are you going to kiss me again?” She asked, taunting him. </p>
<p>“Oh,” Ben’s eyes widened a bit and he closed the gap between them. </p>
<p>“I’d really like for you to kiss me again,” she said against his cheek. </p>
<p>Ben didn’t waste any time after that. </p>
<p>He kissed her so hard she felt like she might collapse. And maybe he knew it, too -- because before she knew it he was picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom -- practically <em>throwing</em> her onto the bed. </p>
<p>He resumed kissing her while his hands explored every part of her body. When he reached her clit, she whimpered and begged for more. With his fingers inside her and his other hand on her clit, she didn’t know how long she’d last. </p>
<p>He pulled away and Rey nearly cried at the loss. She looked at his face for the first time since they entered the bedroom. There was an exciting, nervous energy that surrounded them. Like they both knew they were about to enter a point of no return, but they didn’t care.</p>
<p>“Are you on -- do we need to -- have you done...” He stammered out, and Rey smiled a bit at how clearly nervous he was. </p>
<p>“I take the contraceptive potion, Ben. And yes, I’ve had sex before. It’s okay,” she assured him. </p>
<p>“Okay,” he smirked and Rey felt her breath catch as he resumed kissing down her body -- the kisses on her inner thighs were almost unbearable.</p>
<p>“I want you inside me, Ben,” she said in a gravely tone that barely belonged to her. </p>
<p>“Are you sure?” He asked. </p>
<p>“Yes,” she said, grabbing at his underwear trying to pull them down. </p>
<p>He reached down and finished pulling his underwear off, letting his cock spring free and slowly entered her. She gasped a bit at the intrusion and he paused a bit to look in her eyes, waiting for her to give him permission to move. She nodded and he began to thrust, filling her completely. </p>
<p>“Fuck, Rey. You feel so good,” he groaned against her neck in between kisses.</p>
<p>Rey whimpered in response as he hit her walls.</p>
<p>“Harder, Ben. Please. You can be rough with me,” she pleaded. </p>
<p>He grunted and increased the speed of his thrusts, unrelenting and <em>ruining</em> her. Rey felt Ben pull out of her and she whined at the loss of him inside her. He chuckled with a devilish grin and flipped her around, entering her again. </p>
<p>“Arch your back,” he commanded.</p>
<p>She did as he asked and she couldn’t believe that this angle made it so it felt like he was even further in her than before. She felt herself repeating his name and begging for more. He pulled her hair back tightly and she groaned into it. Rey felt his thrusts becoming even harder and more erratic and she felt herself saying yes over and over again.</p>
<p>“I’m going to cum, Rey,” he said. </p>
<p>“Come for me,” she encouraged and felt him finish inside her. He pulled out and fell on his back on the bed, sighing and breathing heavily. Rey felt the warmness from him on her thighs and she couldn’t believe how much she loved what just happened. </p>
<p>She turned around and laid on the bed, moving her body closer to his. He put his arm around her and kissed her forehead. </p>
<p>“That was great,” he said. </p>
<p>Rey mumbled in assent, still coming down from a dreamlike state.</p>
<p>“I’m going to take a quick shower and then I’ll come back to bed,” he replied, kissing his cheek and getting up from the bed. </p>
<p>“Should I join you?” He asked with a suggestive grin. </p>
<p>“I’m trying to get clean, not more dirty,” she said. </p>
<p>“Fine,” he sighed, but giving Rey puppy dog eyes that she couldn’t resist. </p>
<p>“Ugh, fine. Join me. But I really do want to take a shower,” she said. </p>
<p>Ben’s eyes lit up and he hopped out of bed to join her.</p>
<p>When they returned to bed, it took all the willpower Rey had to remind herself they couldn’t stay like this forever -- they had to face Snoke and they had to get to America. It made Rey’s stomach churn and she could barely stay asleep. Judging by the amount of times she felt Ben toss and turn, he was feeling the same way. </p>
<p><br/>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah, Kylo and Rey are here. Send Kylo in, Hux,” Snoke commanded, cutting Hux off without another word. </p>
<p>Hux tried to hide his annoyance as he nodded and ran up the stairs to get Kylo.</p>
<p>“The Supreme Leader is requesting you, Ren,” Hux said in a biting tone. </p>
<p>Ben kept his face blank and turned to leave the room without saying anything. </p>
<p>“I’ll be upstairs,” Hux sighed and left the room, leaving Baz and Rey alone. Rey shifted uncomfortably upon this realization, and she could tell Baz took notice. Baz let out a small laugh and rolled her eyes, sitting down and gesturing for Rey to sit opposite her. </p>
<p>Rey followed, but kept looking toward the door where Ben disappeared down. </p>
<p>“He’ll be fine,” Baz said. </p>
<p>“He was barely alive last time,” Rey stated. </p>
<p>“Oh, please. He’s been much worse off than that. You couldn’t handle it. You need a thicker skin,” Baz shook her head. </p>
<p>Rey stayed silent. She felt sort of dizzy all of a sudden, and realized Baz was trying to gain access to her mind. She perked up, reached for her wand and cast <em>protego</em> to shield herself from Baz’s intrusion. Instead of the spell being broken, she found herself in Baz’s mind. </p>
<p>She knew Baz had to be talented at Occlumency, which is why when Rey saw the memories Baz had laid out for her Rey wished she’d never tried to cast that spell in the first place. It felt like Rey was in the memories, watching from the outside.  She wanted to scream.</p>
<p><em>Ben</em> -- or was it Kylo, Rey thought a bit traitorously -- <em>pushed Bazine on the bed hard. He tied her hands to the bed post and pushed her legs apart. Baz begged for Kylo to touch her, to do anything to her. Kylo let out a dark laugh that was almost a huff.</em></p>
<p><em>“You know what happens when you don’t listen. Stay still,” Kylo’s voice was deep and controlling.</em> </p>
<p><em>Kylo buried his head in between Baz’s thighs, teasing her before his tongue began circling her clit. One hand rest on her abdomen keeping her still as she tried to squirm. Kylo felt her close to orgasm and pulled away.</em> </p>
<p>
  <em>Baz whined and begged for him to let her finish. Ignoring her pleas, he took off his pants and entered her hard and relentlessly, never losing his pace. He placed one hand around her neck and it stayed there until he decided to take mercy on Baz’s requests and brought his hand to her clit, coaxing an orgasm out of her finally. After his hand returned to her neck -- and then to her hair, pulling it hard. Kylo came inside Baz and untied her hands -- leaving the room wordlessly, with Baz still laying on the bed.</em>
</p>
<p>The memory seemed to last a lifetime, until Baz finally pushed Rey out. </p>
<p>“Be careful next time, Rey. You don’t know what you’ll see when you lurk around people’s memories. I for one won’t forget the last time I saw Kylo, and now you won’t either,” Baz looked satisfied as hell and left Rey sitting alone, willing herself not to follow Baz and maybe slap her in the face. </p>
<p>She didn’t sit there alone for long until Ben came back from Snoke. Rey scanned over his body, taking inventory if he had any visible injuries -- he seemed to be okay, but looked like a ghost. </p>
<p>“He wants to see you. Where’s Baz?” Ben asked. </p>
<p>Rey tried to suppress her anger -- it’s not like she didn’t know Baz and Ben slept together, but *seeing* it and seeing what they did compared to what Rey and Ben had done...it made Rey feel less than. She knew it wasn’t founded, but it still swam around her mind. </p>
<p>“Upstairs with Hux, I think,” Rey responded in a flat voice. </p>
<p>“Are you alright?” Ben inquired, eyes softening. </p>
<p>“I’m fine,” Rey said and pushed past him to see Snoke. </p>
<p>She felt his eyes on her back but didn’t turn back to say anything to him. </p>
<p>“Rey, let’s see if you’re more prepared this time around,” Snoke said without any pretense.</p>
<p>Rey remained silent, and felt Snoke enter her mind. She felt the shields she worked so hard to create crumble, and flashes of Rey and Ben in bed, Rey and Ben kissing, Auror training, and Rey and Ben meeting Satine float through and Rey felt her knees buckle and she knew Snoke had seen those memories. </p>
<p>“Weak and foolish,” Snoke sneered. </p>
<p>Rey breathed heavily, trying to figure out her next move. </p>
<p>“So Kylo Ren is double crossing me...I had my suspicions, but thank you for confirming,” Snoke cast a non-verbal spell and Rey grew stiff as a board, unable to do anything except stare at Snoke. </p>
<p>“And it seems like he has a certain...affection toward you. We’ll see how this plays out,” Snoke said, almost sounding *excited* about it all.</p>
<p>“Kylo Ren, come to me now,” he amplified his voice throughout the house. </p>
<p>Rey could tell there were tears falling from her eyes and she could do nothing about it. She felt herself fall and crumble to the ground, realizing that Snoke let her out of the charm.</p>
<p>Ben came into the room and looked back and forth between Snoke and Rey, trying to gain an understanding of the situation. </p>
<p>“You didn’t teach Rey Occlumency well enough, Kylo. Her walls you taught her to build fell and now here we are...” Snoke returned to his chair, a smug look on his face. </p>
<p>“Supreme Leader, I don’t know what you’re--”</p>
<p>“Don’t patronize me, Kylo. I saw you speaking with Satine. I saw you and Rey in bed together. I know all your secrets. I had a feeling you weren’t being honest with me. I could feel you hiding things from me. And Rey was able to confirm everything,” Snoke said. </p>
<p>“Supreme Leader--” Ben started again, but Snoke held up a hand for him to stop. </p>
<p>“And now, I’ve decided what I’ll do with you both,” Snoke said and cast <em>crucio</em> non-verbally. Rey screamed and writhed in pain, and Ben yelled at Snoke to stop and torture him instead. </p>
<p>“You see, I think torturing Rey is more effective on you than it is on her,” Snoke pointed out.</p>
<p>“Please. She has nothing to do with any of this. She was forced,” Ben pleaded. </p>
<p>“Everybody has a choice, Kylo. And your choice will be simple -- you can either take mercy on the girl and kill her now, or you can watch me torture her and eventually kill her in an excruciating way,” Snoke stated. </p>
<p>Rey stopped herself from crying out, and instead looked up to Ben, meeting his gaze and <em>begging</em> him to help, to do anything to get them out of there.</p>
<p>Ben looked away, looking toward Snoke standing taller than he had before. </p>
<p>“I understand what I have to do,” he said plainly. </p>
<p>Rey refused to sob or lose composure past what she already had. She wasn’t sure what Ben was thinking, but she had to believe he’d protect her. </p>
<p>“Do what you must,” Snoke commanded. </p>
<p>Rey watched as Ben raised his wand, aiming it at her. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you for reading guys!! i think in the next couple weeks i'll start uploading the canonverse fic i've been working on as i have it about half way done. i've also started a mr and mrs smith AU! i made a reylo twitter @literallynooc (literallynoonecares was taken lol) and you can find me on tumblr at myhandsdontscan</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. chance is the only game i play with</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“It won’t work, Rey,” he told her. </p>
<p>“It has to work,” she said stubbornly.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello friends! we are almost done. i hope you've enjoyed this and next week i'll start uploading my longer canonverse fic -- i'm almost done writing it completely.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a loud <em>bang</em> and a flash and Rey felt herself being pushed back to the corner of the room. It took her a moment to figure out what was happening, but when she came back into consciousness she realized Ben was dueling with Snoke. Ben was hit with a spell she had never heard of, and he began to bleed profusely. </p>
<p>Rey scrambled to get up and ran toward the door to leave -- she watched as a green light emitted from Snoke’s wand and saw Ben shield it quickly, one hand trying to put pressure on his many bleeding wounds -- the light bouncing back on Snoke, but it wasn’t enough. Rey stood in shock and felt the room practically spinning. She pulled herself together enough to run over to Ben. </p>
<p>She took his hand in hers, feeding off of each others power. She raised her wand and joined with Ben against Snoke. Finally, Snoke fell backward, unmoving and frozen in time. Ben collapsed almost immediately. </p>
<p>Rey dropped to the floor beside him, trying to put pressure on his wounds and tried to cast healing spells, but it seemed like nothing was working. </p>
<p>“Rey, send a Patronus to Ahsoka. Now,” Ben begged in a small voice. </p>
<p>“I’m trying to heal this but nothing is working,” she said. </p>
<p>“I know, it was a dark curse. Get Ahsoka,” he said a little more firmly. </p>
<p>She backed away from him and cast a Patronus. When Rey turned back to Ben, he had a small smile on his face and looked *proud* of her. </p>
<p>The door swung open and Baz stood at the bottom of the stairs, taking stock of what happened. Her face was struck with horror when she saw Snoke laying on the ground with Ben bleeding out. </p>
<p>“What the hell?” Baz cried out. </p>
<p>“Baz, he’s hurt. I need your help,” Rey pleaded. </p>
<p>“You killed Snoke,” Baz realized. </p>
<p>“Baz, please help Ben,” Rey said again, growing more frantic. </p>
<p>“You <em>were</em> ministry, weren’t you?” Baz asked, ignoring Rey’s request and Ben bleeding out. </p>
<p>“Baz,” Rey begged again. </p>
<p>“I fucking knew it. I knew it,” Baz shook her head. </p>
<p>“Hux!” She called up the stairs, “we have to go. Get everyone out. Now. Snoke’s dead. The ministry is coming,” she yelled. </p>
<p>She ran up the stairs and Rey heard the distinct <em>pop</em> of apparation, leaving Rey and Ben seemingly alone in the basement. </p>
<p>She sat down again next to Ben’s side, trying the healing charms again. </p>
<p>“It won’t work, Rey,” he told her. </p>
<p>“It has to work,” she said stubbornly.</p>
<p>Luckily, it didn’t take long for Ahsoka to show up with Satine in tow. </p>
<p>They moved quickly to Ben, bending over him and inspecting his wound. </p>
<p>“Sectumsempra,” Ben told them. </p>
<p>Satine nodded and began to cast the countercurse, and Ahsoka joined in. Rey stood back in awe, feeling utterly useless. </p>
<p>Ben eventually stopped bleeding and his breath began to return to normal, and Satine and Ahsoka extracted themselves from the situation and directed their attention to Snoke’s lifeless body. </p>
<p>“Check the house,” Satine told Ahsoka. </p>
<p>Rey helped Ben sit up slightly, leaning against the wall. He didn’t let go of her hand. </p>
<p>“What happened?” Satine asked. </p>
<p>“He got into Rey’s mind. He saw that we were Aurors and...” Ben stopped, and Rey knew he was deciding just how much to reveal to Satine. </p>
<p>“He began to torture Rey. He gave me an ultimatum, kill Rey myself or watch him torture her and kill her eventually. I reacted. I pushed Rey aside, dueled with Snoke for a bit, he hit me with <em>Sectumsempra</em> and then tried to cast <em>Avada Kedavra</em>...I shielded it and cast a charm. Rey helped, I didn’t know if it would work, but it bounced back on him and he died,” Ben explained. </p>
<p>“Impressive magic, Ben,” Satine praised. </p>
<p>“Thank you,” he replied. </p>
<p>Ahsoka came back down the stairs and they turned to look at her. </p>
<p>“It’s all clear. No one is here,” she affirmed. </p>
<p>“Go back to the ministry, Ahsoka. Let everyone know,” Satine instructed.</p>
<p>“Where did they all go?” Satine asked, focusing her attention on Ben and Rey. </p>
<p>“Bazine came down here and saw Snoke was dead. I tried to get her to help with Ben but she scrambled, called for Hux and everyone left,” Rey said. </p>
<p>“*Where* did they go?” Satine repeated. </p>
<p>“I’m not sure,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“You’re not sure,” Satine deadpanned. </p>
<p>“They left, I was in shock and Ben was bleeding out. I wasn’t going to follow them and leave him here to die,” Rey defended. </p>
<p>“You’ve been on this assignment for how long and you don’t know their alternate meeting locations? You found out about whatever is happening in Diagon Alley and that was it?” Satine said, and Rey could tell she was annoyed. </p>
<p>“You have no idea what we’ve had to go through. What Ben had to go through....” Rey felt herself getting <em>angry</em> and Satine, at the situation, at the ministry, everything. </p>
<p>“I understand, Rey. We told you how difficult things could get. You knew the risks. You applied for the Auror program,” Satine reminded her. </p>
<p>“I thought you’d do more good than anything,” Rey retorted. </p>
<p>“I am <em>trying</em>, Rey. Don’t you understand? The First Order is trying to place its will on innocent people. We are trying to combat that. It is not an easy thing to do. I’m trying to ensure the wizarding world stays a place where people will speak up when the First Order tries to trample on their rights. But we have to understand what they’re doing and know their next moves if we want to be successful. Snoke may be dead, but the cause he lived for isn’t yet. We have to end it,” Satine explained, more passionate than Rey had seen her. </p>
<p>“I think we have two very different ideas of how to accomplish that,” Rey said. </p>
<p>“You’re awfully quiet, Ben,” Satine gestured toward him. </p>
<p>“I know you have good intentions, Satine. But I agree with Rey. The system is broken, and I can’t be a part of it,” he stated, squeezing Rey’s hand. </p>
<p>“Neither can I,” Rey agreed.</p>
<p>“You’ve come a long way from the person your uncle described you to be,” Satine told Ben. </p>
<p>“I have,” Ben replied. </p>
<p>“I assume this means you’ve both tendered your resignations?” Satine asked. </p>
<p>“Yes,” Ben answered. </p>
<p>“I understand. This isn’t for everyone. To be honest, it isn't always for me. But I am impressed with your magic,” Satine said. </p>
<p>“Thank you,” Ben responded. </p>
<p>“I will be happy to recommend you both to any department,” she stated. </p>
<p>“I believe we’ll be going to America, but if we don’t we’d appreciate that,” Ben said. Rey looked up at him with expectant eyes. </p>
<p>Satine glanced between their intertwined hands, softened her eyes, and nodded in acknowledgement. </p>
<p>“Go home. I’ll wait here until everyone shows up. I’ll work on the paperwork. Go.”</p>
<p>They both stayed silent, unsure of what to say or do. </p>
<p>“Go, take care of each other. I’m sure I’ll see you soon,” Satine noted. </p>
<p>“Thank you,” Rey said. </p>
<p>Rey got up first and helped Ben up. </p>
<p>“And Ben, please get in contact with your mother. I’m sure she’s worried about you,” Satine added. </p>
<p>“I will,” he said. </p>
<p>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p>
<p><br/>“Side-along apparation is awful, God. My head is killing me,” Ben lamented, collapsing on the couch. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I just knew you weren’t strong enough to get here on your own,” Rey winced a little at his words. </p>
<p>“It’s not your fault, Rey. I’m just complaining,” he said quickly, noting the look on her face. </p>
<p>“I feel like this is all my fault,” Rey resigned. </p>
<p>“I don’t blame you for anything, Rey. I promise you that,” Ben said. </p>
<p>“We wouldn’t have been in that situation if I had been better at Occlumency,” she shook her head. </p>
<p>“You were doing so well with it. What happened?” He inquired, reaching out gently. </p>
<p>“I don’t want to talk about it,” she insisted. </p>
<p>He gave her a skeptical look.</p>
<p>She took a deep breath. </p>
<p>“It was Baz. When you were with Snoke, she tried to get in my mind. I don’t know how I did it, but I got in her head...she showed me certain memories and it distracted me,” Rey admitted. </p>
<p>“What did she show you?” He asked. </p>
<p>“Of you both. Together,” Rey said, hoping her tone would convey the meaning. </p>
<p>“You knew we used to sleep together, why did it make you so upset, Rey?” He asked, looking genuinely perplexed.</p>
<p>“It wasn’t that you were together. It was what you were <em>doing</em>,” Rey elaborated. She hoped the emphasis would cause him to understand. She couldn't bare tot say it out loud. </p>
<p>Realization dawned on Ben’s face, but he still looked confused. </p>
<p>“That’s why you were upset when I came back upstairs. You barely acknowledged me,” Ben pointed out. </p>
<p>“It was childish, I know,” Rey said. </p>
<p>“Why were you so upset?”</p>
<p>“You...I don’t know. It felt like that was such a different experience from when we had sex. I just worried that I was what you wanted and I wasn’t good enough for you,” Rey said sheepishly.</p>
<p>“Rey, things were different with Baz. I was a different person, and she’s not you. I feel very differently about her than I feel about you. With her, I was using sex as an escape. Somewhere I could be in control for once. I had lost all the control in my life and that was an easy way out. It’s not like that now. It’s not like that with you,” he explained. </p>
<p>“I was just worried I was not what you wanted,” she admitted. </p>
<p>“You’re exactly what I want,” Ben said, grabbing her waist and pulling her close to him. He kissed her and it was light and languid, like they could stay like this forever. They only pulled away when a Patronus interrupted them -- a small bear cub. </p>
<p>“My mother,” Ben noted. </p>
<p>“Call me on the muggle phone,” was all the Patronus said. </p>
<p>“You have a muggle phone?” Rey asked. </p>
<p>“My mother’s idea. It’s hard to stay in touch across the world when the Wizarding world has no real technology. And my dad was a muggle, so we always had muggle stuff...” Ben explained, looking distant at the thought of his father. </p>
<p>Ben got up and walked to his room, opening a drawer and pulling out a cell phone. </p>
<p>“I haven’t seen one of those in ages,” Rey commented. </p>
<p>“It’s kind of weird, right?” Ben replied. </p>
<p>He unlocked the phone and dialed his Mom’s number. She picked up almost immediately. Ben had her on speakerphone, so they could both hear.</p>
<p>“Ben, what happened? Are you alright?” Leia’s concern was palpable through the phone. </p>
<p>“I’m okay, Mom. Rey’s okay too. We got out. Snoke is dead,” he said. </p>
<p>“I heard. Satine told me. She let me know when she got Rey’s Patronus. She said you were in bad shape,” Leia responded. </p>
<p>“I was. They fixed me, mostly. We quit,” Ben told her. </p>
<p>“I figured you would,” Leia said in a soft tone.</p>
<p>“I....” Ben stopped for a moment, looking at Rey. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Mom. For everything. I understand if there’s no room for me at home but I want to come home. For real this time,” Ben spoke softly, not wanting to admit his feelings but knowing he had to do it sometime</p>
<p>“We can talk about it when you get here,” Leia replied. </p>
<p>“Okay,” Ben said. </p>
<p>“I’ll try to get you a job. It might be hard. But hopefully I have enough pull. I can get Rey something easily. We can talk about it when you get here,” Leia said. </p>
<p>“Thank you,” Rey said and her voice sort of squeaked, a strangled sound after not speaking on the phone call. </p>
<p>“You’re welcome, Rey. I look forward to meeting you. I’ve heard a lot about you,” Leia told her. </p>
<p>“Oh!” Rey exclaimed, a little surprised. </p>
<p>“Mom,” Ben said in a warning tone. </p>
<p>“Oh, mostly from Satine. She told me how talented you are,” Leia covered. </p>
<p>“Thank you,” Rey said in a small voice. </p>
<p>“Let me know when you get here. Do you need muggle money to get here?” Leia asked. </p>
<p>“I have the credit cards,” he confirmed. </p>
<p>“Okay. I’ll see you both soon,” Leia said and hung up the phone. </p>
<p>“What did you tell your mom about me?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Not much. I just told her the basics...when I didn’t know what would happen when I went to Snoke,” he said, turning red. </p>
<p>Rey looked amused and sat down on the bed, patting the space next to her. </p>
<p>Ben plopped down next to her and Rey rested her head on his shoulder, tracing circles over his bicep.</p>
<p>“How are you feeling?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Not as awful as I thought I would, honestly. I feel kind of free, for once. I don’t have to keep any shields up. I don’t know how to explain it. I almost lost it, seeing what he did to you. I knew I had to fight for you,” he replied. </p>
<p>Rey kissed the top of his shoulder. </p>
<p>“Thank you,” she whispered against his skin. </p>
<p>“Are you okay, Rey? I know that was a lot.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know. I feel kind of numb, to be honest. It doesn’t feel quite real yet. I’m sure it’ll hit me eventually. I was in so much pain and then I was so worried about you. I just don’t know,” she said. </p>
<p>Ben took her chin in his hand and angled her face up to his, his thumb stroking her cheek. </p>
<p>“We made it through, Rey. We’re free. We’ll figure out when we’re leaving tomorrow but for now we should just rest,” he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. </p>
<p>“Okay,” she said. </p>
<p>He pulled her into a hug, with one hand running over her back in the same circles she had traced on his skin. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>find me on twitter at @literallynooc and on tumblr at myhandsdontscan :) i'm newer to the ~*reylo fandom life as i just recently made these accounts and i'd love to get to know y'all</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. epilogue: victory's contagious</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“What’s the use of magic if I can’t apparate to a different country? Why do I still have to fly?” Rey asked. </p>
<p>“It’s too dangerous. You’d splinch yourself to bits,” he explained.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello friends!! here's the epilogue :) i may return to this universe at some point after i finish my other WIPs.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben and Rey stayed in the countryside for a week. It took them a few days to figure out a game plan and pack. </p>
<p>Rey thought seven years of Hogwarts was enough time in the Wizarding world that she had most of it figured out. When Ben told her he bought them *plane tickets* to America, she thought he was joking at first. </p>
<p>“What’s the use of magic if I can’t apparate to a different country? Why do I still have to fly?” Rey asked. </p>
<p>“It’s too dangerous. You’d splinch yourself to bits,” he explained.</p>
<p>“So instead I have to spend seven hours on a plane?” She bemoaned. </p>
<p>“Unfortunately, yes. Now imagine how awkward that plane ride was with me and Luke after I left the First Order,” he chuckled. </p>
<p>“Oh, god,” Rey laughed. </p>
<p>“Exactly. So quit complaining. At least I’m better company this time around,” he said.</p>
<p>“Well, let’s hope so,” she teased. </p>
<p>“Are you ready to see your friends?” He asked. </p>
<p>“Kind of. I have a lot to explain and it seems kind of daunting. And then I have to leave them again...I know I’ll be sad about it,” she confessed. </p>
<p>Ben’s face fell, almost resigning himself to the fact that Rey might not want to come with him to America. </p>
<p>“You don’t have to come with me,” he said sadly. </p>
<p>“Ben--“ Rey started. </p>
<p>“--Seriously. I don’t want you to come with me and the resent me for it later because you left your friends. I’m falling in love with you, Rey. I wouldn’t forgive myself if I made you move so far away from everyone and be unhappy,” he cut her off. </p>
<p>“Ben, I want to come. I can be both excited to go to America and sad I’m leaving my friends. It’s not a bad thing to feel multiple emotions, you know?”</p>
<p>“Are you sure?” He asked. </p>
<p>“Yes, I’m sure. There’s not much for me here, anyway. And what there is...well, I don’t think a fresh start is a bad thing. I wanted to make decisions on my own. And this is one of them. If I hate it, I’ll take a seven hour plane ride back here by myself and move in with Kaydel,” she smiled. </p>
<p>He kissed her and pulled her into an embrace. </p>
<p>“Deal,” he said.</p>
<p><br/>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p>
<p><br/>Rey met Jessika, Kaydel, and Korkie at Jessika’s apartment and it took her what seemed like hours to knock on the door. </p>
<p>“Holy shit, Solana. What the fuck happened?” Kaydel asked as she opened the door without any pretense. </p>
<p>“You just disappeared and then now you tell us you’re going to America?” Korkie asked, in the same shocked tone as Kaydel. </p>
<p>“Are you going to pile on, Jessika?” Rey asked rather pointedly. </p>
<p>“No, I think they covered it. Do you want a drink?” Jessika gestured to the drink cart near her couch. </p>
<p>“Yes,” Rey responded.</p>
<p>“So tell us what happened. There were all these rumors about the First Order. And Finn and Poe said you were getting awfully close with Ben Solo,” Kaydel said. </p>
<p>Jessika shot Rey a look that screamed “I know what Ben Solo did and I’m judging you” and Rey looked away from her, taking a sip of her drink.</p>
<p>Of *course* Kaydel knew all the gossip, Rey thought. Kaydel was always one who had to know everything. Rey stayed silent for a moment as she collected her thoughts and tried to figure out *how* to tell them everything.</p>
<p>“Well?” Kaydel prompted. </p>
<p>Rey sighed. </p>
<p>“Satine assigned both Ben and I an undercover mission, infiltrating the First Order because they were coming to England,” Rey began. </p>
<p>“Ben? ‘Infiltrating’ the First Order? That’s rich,” Jessika interjected.</p>
<p>Rey’s eyes darkened toward her friend. </p>
<p>“Jessika, please,” Rey requested. </p>
<p>“Fine. Go on,” Jessika conceded. </p>
<p>“Snoke wanted me. He was convinced I had to have magical parents. We weren’t allowed to have any contact with anyone besides First Order. Snoke, he...he began to torture me. He got into my mind. It was awful,” Rey’s voice faltered a bit and the room was quiet. </p>
<p>“Ben killed Snoke to save me. He almost died in the process, too. Your mom saved him,” she directed at Korkie. </p>
<p>The corners of Korkie’s mouth upturned slightly but he didn’t say anything. </p>
<p>“And as far as moving to America goes...I’ve spent my whole life wishing I could do something for myself. Everything was always decided for me. And I love you guys, and I’ve missed you, but I want to see what’s out there. If I hate it, I’ll come back. I promise,” Rey finished. </p>
<p>“I get it. My parents wanted me to work in something <em>practical</em> and safe and I’m at the Department of Mysteries. Neither of those things. You’ll find something that works for you, Solana,” Kaydel said in the kindest voice Rey had ever heard her. </p>
<p>“I’m glad Ben saved you. He can be good, I guess,” Jessika admitted. </p>
<p>“He is good,” Rey affirmed. </p>
<p>“Are you dating him?” Jessika asked, taking note of the way Rey’s eyes lit up when she discussed Ben. </p>
<p>“Well...I don’t know, really. We kissed. He’s coming to America with me. But I don’t know,” Rey said, a little worried for Jessika’s reaction.</p>
<p>“Well they do say opposites attract,” Jessika scoffed. </p>
<p>“Remember on the Hogwarts express last year when you lost your mind because Jessika was dating him?” Korkie asked. </p>
<p>“Yes, you don’t need to remind me,” Rey rolled her eyes. </p>
<p>“You <em>hated</em> him,” Korkie added. </p>
<p>“People change. We went through a lot together. I don’t know how to explain it,” Rey said. </p>
<p>“You don’t have to,” Kaydel replied, looking toward Jessika, gauging her reaction.</p>
<p>“When do you leave?” Jessika asked, breaking the tension.</p>
<p>“Two days,” Rey said. </p>
<p>“We should go to the Leaky Cauldron tomorrow,” Kaydel suggested. </p>
<p>“You can invite Ben. I promise I’m okay with it,” Jessika said. </p>
<p>“You sure?” Rey asked. </p>
<p>“Yes,” Jessika replied. </p>
<p>“Thank you,” Rey said, to the group more than anything. She tried to put more weight behind the words -- thank you for understanding, thank you for being my family, thank you for caring about me, thank you for forgiving me -- and the way her friends smiled at her, she thought they understood. </p>
<p><br/>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p>
<p><br/>“I’ve never been on a plane before,” Rey remarked as they boarded their flight. </p>
<p>“Well, you’re lucky I decided to buy us first class tickets. Top of the line experience,” Ben joked as he led them to their seats. </p>
<p>“Would you like anything to drink?” The flight attendant asked. </p>
<p>“Champagne would be great,” Ben replied. </p>
<p>“Champagne? Really?” Rey looked skeptical. </p>
<p>“Your first plane ride is something to celebrate,” he shrugged. </p>
<p>The flight attendant handed them their drinks and Ben clinked his glass against hers. </p>
<p>“To new experiences, new beginnings, and making our own choices,” he said. </p>
<p>She smiled at him before taking a sip of her drink. </p>
<p>For how nervous she was about flying, the plane ride wasn’t all that bad. There was a brief moment of turbulence where she grasped Ben’s thigh. He put his arm around her and consoled her -- telling her this was normal and she was mollified. </p>
<p>She realized a little before they landed that she’d be meeting Ben’s *mother* shortly. She didn’t even know if they were exclusive or what they were doing and she was going to meet his mother. She began to panic. </p>
<p>“Ben,” Rey said too seriously for Ben’s liking. </p>
<p>“What?” He asked, clearly looking concerned. </p>
<p>“What are we?” She asked. </p>
<p>“What?” He looked genuinely confused. </p>
<p>“Are we...dating? What are we? What do I call you? What does your mother think?” </p>
<p>“Ah. Rey, <em>that’s</em> what you’re worried about? What our relationship is because you’re meeting my mother?” </p>
<p>“You’re not good at commitment, I know that. Don’t think I forgot the whole you and Jessika fiasco,” Rey retorted. </p>
<p>“Fair, but you have to know things are different with you.”</p>
<p>“I don’t,” she shrugged. </p>
<p>“You’re my girlfriend, okay? We’re dating. I’ll introduce you as such,” Ben said. </p>
<p>He kissed her cheek and pushed her hair behind her ear. </p>
<p>“Okay,” she replied. </p>
<p>Rey had no idea how airports worked. They had to go to a different place to retrieve their luggage and it was chaos. Once they had their bags, Ben refused to let her carry her own. Rey huffed and complained, but Ben wouldn’t relent. </p>
<p>“My mother would kill me if I made you carry your own bags,” he explained as they walked outside. </p>
<p>Ben spotted his mother easily. She stood next to a nice Range Rover, with the driver waiting outside. She waived at them and they walked to meet her. </p>
<p>Ben handed the bags to the driver who put them in the car and hugged his mother for the first time in years. </p>
<p>She rubbed his back and Rey could see the tears falling from her eyes onto Ben’s shoulders, and she was sure Ben would be crying as well. </p>
<p>“Welcome home,” Leia said against his shoulder. </p>
<p>“Thanks, Mom. It’s good to be back,” he said. </p>
<p>They pulled apart and Ben grabbed Rey’s hand, bringing her in closer to his mom. </p>
<p>“Mom, this is Rey. My girlfriend,” he added, shooting Rey a mischievous grin. </p>
<p>“It is so good to meet you, Rey,” Leia said, pulling Rey into a hug. </p>
<p>“You as well. Thank you, for helping us,” Rey replied. </p>
<p>“Of course. Let’s get back to the house, we have a lot to discuss and a lot of options for you both.”</p>
<p><br/>⚡️⚡️⚡️</p>
<p>Rey didn’t know how absolutely loaded the Organa-Solo family was until she caught sight of their Manhattan townhouse for the first time. It felt like something out of a movie. Ben shrugged when she mentioned it. </p>
<p>“I don’t like to mention it. It makes me feel weird,” Ben said. </p>
<p>Leia offered them jobs at MACUSA and told them if they’d like to work in the No-Maj world she could get in contact with many people who would be delighted to have them. </p>
<p>Her last suggestion was the most enticing, and Rey almost leapt at the chance. </p>
<p>“You’re young. You’ve been through a lot. Take some time off and travel. There’s so much to see and you might figure out what you actually want to do when you’re out there,” Leia told them.</p>
<p>“Mom, isn’t that irresponsible?” Ben asked. The paramount of practicality always, Rey noted. </p>
<p>“Do it for six months and tell me it wasn’t worth it. The jobs will be waiting for you when you return,” Leia replied. </p>
<p>Ben looked at Rey, trying to gauge her response. </p>
<p>“What do you think?” He asked her. </p>
<p>“I’m in,” Rey said, a smile forming on her face -- unable to contain her excitement. </p>
<p>“Well, where do you want to start?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>next week i'm going to start uploading my canonverse/tros doesn't exist fic! and after that will be a mr and mrs smith AU. hope y'all stick around.<br/><br/>follow me on twitter at <a href="https://www.twitter.com/literallynooc">literallynooc</a><br/><br/>and on tumblr at <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/myhandsdontscan">myhandsdontscan</a></p>
<p>thank you so much for reading!!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>https://marshap.org/</p><p>https://blacklivesmatter.carrd.co/</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>